On May 18th, I had the amazing opportunity to be able to perform with a lot of my old classmates and suprise our old chorale teacher, who is retiring this year. G had an awards ceremony that night at the same time, and my dear sweet hubby, suffered though it all by himself. I know I'm such a bad parent :) So anyways, I pretty much dropped everything to be able to go and sing again with my friends. We got to rehearse at my old elementary school that I hadn't been back to in nearly 20 yrs! It was so surreal being there in the old choir room and seeing old friends.... Then the real trip began, back to my old high school, which I hadn't been back to since graduation 11 yrs ago...The anticipation of being on stage and performing again was so thrilling! It almost made me cry.
For those of you who might not know, I have always loved music-especially piano and voice since a very young age. I started taking piano when I was 5, and around the same age I would make casette tape recordings of myself reading books outloud, or singing songs. I did choir from 5th grade-all the way through high school. Our choir class was where some of the best memories were made, with friends that you get to be so close to. Singing was something that made me feel so happy and alive. This is always why I just love, love, love musicals (well most of them).
I found myself really processing the fact that it had really been 11 yrs since graduation. I don't necessarily feel that much older. But walking through the commons, and the locker area and atrium, it all seemed so surreal. A whole lifetime ago, a time of innocence, and a little ignorance and a time to be carefree. A time that I really embraced life and had fun, whether it be singing, time out with friends, shopping.... then driving home with the windows down in the cold air, blasting the music, enjoying time by myself... then home to life as a grown up.
I go through these phases, where I'll have a special event to attend, or we'll go on a weekend out, or do fun things like we used to before we had kids. We have the best time and are happy as can be, and then for me the next day, reality sets in, and sometimes in a depressing kind of way. Not that I don't love my life and my kids, because I do. But it makes me miss the way things used to be. In a way, a mourning of my old life. Doing things I was so passionate about, being a bit of a free spirit. For me it's keeping my individuality, and the things that make me feel alive, because without that, I think I'd be ever more depressed (So I've started playing the piano more, something that I love. Music is so soothing to the soul... and I've even thought about finding a chorale group to sing in again). It's been up and down for me the last almost 8 yrs that I've been a stay at home mom. Going straight from being a fairly wild college student-to newlywed-to mom all in a short period of time. Then learning the process of being a stay at home mom, and then working part time, and then going back to home, baby....and then work, and then home again. And I still have about 2+ yrs till B goes to Kindergarten. I cherish my time with him, and he starts pre-s this fall. It's just up and down with the emotions at times, by the time it's all over with it will be 10 yrs that I've stayed home. Something I told my mom that would never happen, because that's how long she stayed home with my sis and I (Of course I'm writing this on a rainy, gloomy day, and that never seems to help with my mood). I know I appreciate cherishing the time with them while they are little, because you can never get those years back. In the mean time, I'm trying to add more things back in my life that make me happy-music, piano, photgraphy, creative writing, reading. So hopefully this summer I will be my more cheerful self again :) with an equal balance of kid time/me time.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Rethinking Disney....
This is my totally random tangent of the day, so I apologize.....
So the kids have a pretty good collection of classic disney movies, ones I watched growing up and some fairly recent ones. The vast majority of the ones I have I'm totally fine with, but have found myself really questioning others lately.
Take Dumbo for example-love the movie, pretty harmless. I remember being scared by the dancing pink elephants after he drinks the "water". So watching it as an adult is so much more disturbing I have to say. I've come to the conclusion that those poor clowns must have been drinking absinthe (think Moulin Rouge movie-the green alcoholic drink with opium). And then they end up in a tree with the southern crows.
Then the one that has bugged me the most recently-Peter Pan. I absolutely loved this movie when I was little, in fact I think it was the 1st movie my parents took me to see when I was just a few yrs old. So here's my issue, Peter's chauvinist attitude towards women. First, Wendy. Telling her she talks to much, and to get on with it.... Then he has tinkerbell who loves him, and hates Wendy. Then you have the mermaids who try and "drown" Wendy and the indian princess who also has his affections. He has all these women vying for his affections but just brushes them off like they are insignificant. The boy who never grows up. And when they are singing the song about the indians, I feel ashamed watching it, because it's so not pc. I know it's all a matter of what era the movie was produced and the sentiments of the time, but it's just very interesting to see it through a different set of eyes.
Then we have Pinocchio. Another childhood favorite of mine, which the kids only watched a few times before I donated it. I do fine with the movie until P gets taken off with all the boys to the amusement park world, and they start smoking and drinking beer and then start turning into donkeys, and shipping them off in boats. I remember this as a child, but really disturbed me as an adult.
A while back, I was singing the "Zipidee doo dah" song to the kids, and thought it would be fun for them to watch the Briar Rabbit video on youtube with the tarbaby. Because I loved it as a kid. WOW! Once again, I realize it was made in a different era, but wow was it offensive. I have a new realization of what the tarbaby was.
The kids loved Sleeping Beauty as well, and I did to, but I just couldn't handle Malificent and her little demon crew running around. I've taken it away for a while, and think when they're much older it might be better, but I have just had a much more sensitive spirit lately about all these things.
I let G watch Alice in Wonderland once when she was maybe 4 or so, thinking it would be fun. But as an adult, knowing that the story is about an acid trip, also made it much more disturbing, where as she thought it was fun and games.
And they also have Snow White. A young, 16 yr old girl living with a bunch of little men. I know it's all sweet and innocent.
I usually don't go off about random tangents like kids movies, and I know that most of the little stuff goes over their heads at a certain point. I grew up watching all these movies and turned out fine. It's amazing what culture and world experience etc can influence your change in perspective from child-adult. I just feel this need to protect their little spirits and to not just assume because it's a disney movie etc. that it can be trusted. To watch it first and make sure there is nothing questionable. At our house, pretty much the kids can only watch G movies, with the exception of a few PG ones, depending on content. My mom used to freak out about 80's cartoons and movies when I was growing up, and I never understood it until the last few years. Being a mom and wanting to be protective over their little minds-which are little sponges, repeating things etc. Then it becomes an issue of what do I really want them exposed to, however innocent it may seem. I'm sure I could go into a lot more here, but those are my thoughts for now :)
So the kids have a pretty good collection of classic disney movies, ones I watched growing up and some fairly recent ones. The vast majority of the ones I have I'm totally fine with, but have found myself really questioning others lately.
Take Dumbo for example-love the movie, pretty harmless. I remember being scared by the dancing pink elephants after he drinks the "water". So watching it as an adult is so much more disturbing I have to say. I've come to the conclusion that those poor clowns must have been drinking absinthe (think Moulin Rouge movie-the green alcoholic drink with opium). And then they end up in a tree with the southern crows.
Then the one that has bugged me the most recently-Peter Pan. I absolutely loved this movie when I was little, in fact I think it was the 1st movie my parents took me to see when I was just a few yrs old. So here's my issue, Peter's chauvinist attitude towards women. First, Wendy. Telling her she talks to much, and to get on with it.... Then he has tinkerbell who loves him, and hates Wendy. Then you have the mermaids who try and "drown" Wendy and the indian princess who also has his affections. He has all these women vying for his affections but just brushes them off like they are insignificant. The boy who never grows up. And when they are singing the song about the indians, I feel ashamed watching it, because it's so not pc. I know it's all a matter of what era the movie was produced and the sentiments of the time, but it's just very interesting to see it through a different set of eyes.
Then we have Pinocchio. Another childhood favorite of mine, which the kids only watched a few times before I donated it. I do fine with the movie until P gets taken off with all the boys to the amusement park world, and they start smoking and drinking beer and then start turning into donkeys, and shipping them off in boats. I remember this as a child, but really disturbed me as an adult.
A while back, I was singing the "Zipidee doo dah" song to the kids, and thought it would be fun for them to watch the Briar Rabbit video on youtube with the tarbaby. Because I loved it as a kid. WOW! Once again, I realize it was made in a different era, but wow was it offensive. I have a new realization of what the tarbaby was.
The kids loved Sleeping Beauty as well, and I did to, but I just couldn't handle Malificent and her little demon crew running around. I've taken it away for a while, and think when they're much older it might be better, but I have just had a much more sensitive spirit lately about all these things.
I let G watch Alice in Wonderland once when she was maybe 4 or so, thinking it would be fun. But as an adult, knowing that the story is about an acid trip, also made it much more disturbing, where as she thought it was fun and games.
And they also have Snow White. A young, 16 yr old girl living with a bunch of little men. I know it's all sweet and innocent.
I usually don't go off about random tangents like kids movies, and I know that most of the little stuff goes over their heads at a certain point. I grew up watching all these movies and turned out fine. It's amazing what culture and world experience etc can influence your change in perspective from child-adult. I just feel this need to protect their little spirits and to not just assume because it's a disney movie etc. that it can be trusted. To watch it first and make sure there is nothing questionable. At our house, pretty much the kids can only watch G movies, with the exception of a few PG ones, depending on content. My mom used to freak out about 80's cartoons and movies when I was growing up, and I never understood it until the last few years. Being a mom and wanting to be protective over their little minds-which are little sponges, repeating things etc. Then it becomes an issue of what do I really want them exposed to, however innocent it may seem. I'm sure I could go into a lot more here, but those are my thoughts for now :)
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