So I just found out a week or so ago that our previous FD and FS were moved to their 3rd home, but this time they were separated. And the case has gone to TPR. It was very devastating to me to hear the news, knowing it's the best for the kids, but my heart still hurts because for those 3 months they were with us, they were our kiddos. They will always have a special place in our hearts. It's hard not to feel guilt over the whole situation. I have to keep going back to the fact that it wasn't a safe situation for our family to be in.
Our new kiddos have been with us almost 2 months. It's hard to believe it's gone by so fast. It's a much better fit this time around. We still have our days and moments with all the kiddos, but most of it's just normal family of 6 and dealing with siblings getting along etc. Our FD is 9.5 and our FS is 5 in a few days. I'm appreciating more that we had that month and a half off before they came to stay with us to do the Trauma training, because it was so helpful and has helped my outlook on behaviors that before might have been handled differently. Not sure how long they'll be with us, but were enjoying them being a part of our family.
I can't tell you how complete my life feels being a Foster Parent. It brings out my true, old self. My name means "strong and mighty one" and I keep forgetting that. But I have been fighting and advocating for these kids with so many different aspects of their life. I have to be the one that makes sure they have a voice. It's very empowering. These kiddos are our future in society and if things don't change or get fixed now as youth, when will it ever get better. No spiritual warfare attacks this time, at least in this aspect has not been under attack- that sermon series on Job was right before all the craziness at work and so luckily, but not unluckily, it's been focused there instead.
We shall see what 2014 holds for our family...
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
2013
I just have to honestly say, thank God 2013 is over. Between the devastation in September of our old FD and FS going to new homes and the fallout that came before, to the numerous health ailments- migraines, vertigo, eye strain from work, to not one but two nervous breakdowns 2 weeks apart in November/early December, to going from the top of the world with a contract on our dream house to rock bottom in the same day, was anything but perfect. Add to that some very serious strained relationships and betrayal by co-workers and that just makes for a super fun time. Things that I'm so hurt by, I don't know when I'll really be over it.
To elaborate: the dream house across the street, the 5 bedroom 2 bath house with 1 acre lot with 3x more space than our house went up for sale-cheap. We toured it, fell madly and deeply in love with it. We had the earnest money check, made an offer and it was countered, all within what we could afford. 1 week prior my dad had promised to help us out with a small loan to make it work, since we still own our house they needed extra reserves. So my mom the night we signed the paperwork called and said, no I'm changing my mind. Which made me hit rock bottom and took me about a week to get over it. There was no other way, we had to let the house go. Then right after Christmas someone made a cash offer on it, and now it's gone. Yes, it could be back in a few months if someone flips it, but non the less it really sucks. I had peace about this whole thing even through my breakdown, but that didn't make it better. Everything and I mean everything had fallen into place before that.
As for work, everything has been downhill since October. The Banquet went great, and I did an awesome job getting all the financials taken care of and processed. The new accountant was sorely lacking on organizational skills and tried to throw me under the bus a few times. Which has led to me returning the favor. I know, you're saying wow, how un-christ like of you. Well no one is perfect. Then fast forward into the dream position opening at the OP office and my boss (who has been my good friend for the last 8.5 years) wanting me to be her official "personal assistant" which was the biggest slap in the face, punch in the gut imaginable. She wouldn't be where she is today without me and she knows it. I told her no, and then she had the nerve to tell me that oh, I don't know if this changes your mind, but btw your other job is going away. NO it doesn't change my mind. So then on top of all that, she says what if you don't get your dream job? And then she gave that job to someone else- a co-worker who has hardly any experience with it. How is so much hurt possible in such a short amount of time, but it was brutal. So there are many unsaid words on my behalf for the time being because believe it or not I can have a sharp tongue. I'm dreading tomorrow like non other. My new "boss" is the most type A, intense, suffocating person to be around. Very patronizing, very controling and micro-managy. I feel like I'm being punished being stuck in an office with her, all because I've done nothing but step up for myself. What I've learned from this experience this last year, is that I would rather be the boss, or my own boss. I don't like other people telling me what to do, unless we have a mutual respect and same work ethic. I was severely taken advantage of in regards to workload, pay etc that hurts very deeply. I honestly wish I would have kept my job at the hospital and given up on the non-profit that I've been a part of for 9 years, I have been hurt that badly.
So "Change" is my word of 2014. There will be many things changing going into this year. I can't go into them now, but will write about it as soon as it becomes a reality.
To elaborate: the dream house across the street, the 5 bedroom 2 bath house with 1 acre lot with 3x more space than our house went up for sale-cheap. We toured it, fell madly and deeply in love with it. We had the earnest money check, made an offer and it was countered, all within what we could afford. 1 week prior my dad had promised to help us out with a small loan to make it work, since we still own our house they needed extra reserves. So my mom the night we signed the paperwork called and said, no I'm changing my mind. Which made me hit rock bottom and took me about a week to get over it. There was no other way, we had to let the house go. Then right after Christmas someone made a cash offer on it, and now it's gone. Yes, it could be back in a few months if someone flips it, but non the less it really sucks. I had peace about this whole thing even through my breakdown, but that didn't make it better. Everything and I mean everything had fallen into place before that.
As for work, everything has been downhill since October. The Banquet went great, and I did an awesome job getting all the financials taken care of and processed. The new accountant was sorely lacking on organizational skills and tried to throw me under the bus a few times. Which has led to me returning the favor. I know, you're saying wow, how un-christ like of you. Well no one is perfect. Then fast forward into the dream position opening at the OP office and my boss (who has been my good friend for the last 8.5 years) wanting me to be her official "personal assistant" which was the biggest slap in the face, punch in the gut imaginable. She wouldn't be where she is today without me and she knows it. I told her no, and then she had the nerve to tell me that oh, I don't know if this changes your mind, but btw your other job is going away. NO it doesn't change my mind. So then on top of all that, she says what if you don't get your dream job? And then she gave that job to someone else- a co-worker who has hardly any experience with it. How is so much hurt possible in such a short amount of time, but it was brutal. So there are many unsaid words on my behalf for the time being because believe it or not I can have a sharp tongue. I'm dreading tomorrow like non other. My new "boss" is the most type A, intense, suffocating person to be around. Very patronizing, very controling and micro-managy. I feel like I'm being punished being stuck in an office with her, all because I've done nothing but step up for myself. What I've learned from this experience this last year, is that I would rather be the boss, or my own boss. I don't like other people telling me what to do, unless we have a mutual respect and same work ethic. I was severely taken advantage of in regards to workload, pay etc that hurts very deeply. I honestly wish I would have kept my job at the hospital and given up on the non-profit that I've been a part of for 9 years, I have been hurt that badly.
So "Change" is my word of 2014. There will be many things changing going into this year. I can't go into them now, but will write about it as soon as it becomes a reality.
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