When it all falls down and God builds it back up again

2013 had so much heartbreak and sorrow for me. January was no different. But now it's February and I hope that this is on a turn for the better. God has humbled me again, and the holy spirit is working through me giving words that I can't explain in forgiveness and healing in the workplace. Everything was falling down around me and I had this dark cloud I couldn't knock off (like in the commercial) but it's gone now. That huge weight that I had of hurt and regret has been lifted. I'd say I'm at least 98% better and that other 2% still hurts, but I've had to just let it go. I was reminded the other day, that I don't want to do anything to bring a bad name to the ministry. That being sad, I love the heart of the ministry where I work. It has rocked my world in a life changing way. I want to be as real as possible, as I'm not a sugar-coated kind of person. I'm definitely a realist. I'd rather admit struggles and how to work through them than pretend everything is all peachy. Because no one has a perfect life no matter how hard they try to hide it. It is very hard working in ministry. There is a high rate of burn out and relationships can be tested more so than in a normal workplace. In this case, maybe God has a funny sense of humor making my supervisor a 10x more intense version of my mom, who I've had my share of struggles with- especially this last year. Apparently he and my other boss think it's good for me to refine me and apparently more humbling all the way around. I am working on it. One day at a time. That's all it takes. He's reconciling all of this for his glory, and healing the places in the ministry that need restoration. When I feel like letting go, God keeps telling me he's not done with me yet. So we shall see what this new role holds. I at least have my joy restored back at work and that's a good first step for me.