When Mean Girls grow up to be Mean Mommies

Lindsay,Tiffany, Evelyn, Emily, Rebecca- the mean girls from my life growing up- from Elementary School through High School. Superficially beautiful, but with cruel, piercing eyes and smiles. So horrible, you can't even stand to be in the same room with them. 
I was so glad to escape all the superficiality of it all when I graduated from High School. 
The cliques, the popular people. Not that I was ever a social outcast or unpopular by any means, but I also couldn't stand the "popular" people that I had grown up with since elementary school. They left out people that I considered some of my greatest friends, and I couldn't stand for that. I've always been fiercly independent from a very young age- also very stubborn and strong willed. I've never felt like I've had to be with people all the time to boost my self-esteem, or to make up for loneliness. I was not, and still am not a "p.c" person, and am not a "go with the flow" person as well. Meaning I never have, or will do something just because everyone else is doing it, or it's popular. I can't stand the cliques and the "perfectness" of perky smiles, of fake people. As Robin from HIMYM would say, "All I can give you is a fake smile, and dead eyes." That about sums me up when you put me in a room with fake people. I don't like having to pretend, I'd rather rip my hair out honestly.


So all these musings came from after I was watching "Mean Girls" on tv the other day, it hit me all of a sudden that this is no different than what goes on with "Mean Moms." What happens when the "Mean Girls" grow up? Take the popular, exclusive,superficial, sometimes super type A, controlling, perfectionists, and turn it into motherhood and "Mean Moms" are created. How is all that new energy channeled? Into their kids lives- making sure they're perfectly dressed and only are friends with the popular kids or their friends kids. Take mommy groups for example. Which I've always thought I wanted to be involved in, but when I was involved, I was absolutely miserable. I did MOPS for several years at my old church and then 1 year at our current church. The absolute worst was when I was at my old church, and I was stuck at a table all year with super type A women- I mean... intense. It was all I could do to not scream every time I had to go to a meeting. It was a rough year. So after 1 year of MOPS at my new group, I called it done. I never was interested in mommy playdate groups- just for the sheer idea of being surrounded by moms that were so intense in personality and then all the differences of parenting styles- it was overwhelming to even think about. There has only been a brief few years, out of the last 10 years, that I've been in the same cycle of life as my friends who are also mom's. I had my daughter at 21, when most of my friends weren't married yet, and years away from kids. So I was always the young mom. Then when I had my son, it was right around the time that other friends were having kids, and for those baby/toddler years we could all relate. But having a baby didn't "buy" me any popularity either. It didn't make me get special attention from those who wouldn't care regardless. Which is not why I had another child, just for popularity sake.Now that he's off to Kindergarten this fall, we're way passed the mommy groups and group playdates. But I'm honestly not sad about it. It was never for me.


But now that I'm passed it, I still feel like the "jaded mom" sometimes. I just want to be around real, genuine, down to earth people. I don't want to be around fake people that always put on a smiley face, if deep down they're miserable, or trying to make up for an insecurity that's masked by being super outgoing. I want to experience real life, real struggles and not having everything sugar coated. Which brings me back to the "Mean Moms." Why do women always have to pretend, and act like something they're not. Maybe some people really thrive on the cliqueness, and the exclusivity of motherhood. They're so focused on outward appearance and popularity that they forget people who truly matter. Try and break into the circle, and it will never happen. Why do people want to be in the circle, even if they truly don't want to be. I don't want to be in the circle, but I don't want to feel like I'm invisible. If it means invisible, versus miserable, I'll take that instead. Mean moms need a serious dose of reality- if only they could be humble and not so superficial. Judging other moms because they don't live up to their standard of friendship or exclusivity.


I think about how many people in my life might have been the "Mean Girl" in high school or college, and now they have turned into this "Mean Mom." I know some, how about you?
(and no, I'll never mention who I think they are)


I'm planning on reading the book, "Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads" by the author of Mean Girls. It's hits the topic right on the head. I'll share what I've learned after it's all read. I know this seems to be an unspoken topic among women, mom or not. I just encourage everyone to be more bold in saying how they feel and not bottle it up-like I tend to do. And just to be clear, I'm writing this post as my random musing of the day, not because I've been individually hurt by anyone. It's just been on my heart for a long time, and thought now is the time to share.