I've been more than a little irritated with the ads I've seen on tv lately directed at women. Maybe you've seen them as well... specifically in regards to body image. Yoplait is a big one that bothers me, and I believe one of the commercials got pulled after so many complaints, but it's something like this... The woman looking in the fridge wondering what to eat- should she have real cheesecake or yogurt? If she eats the real stuff, then she has to work out at the gym for so many hours, and burn extra calories, etc. So she just settles for the yogurt. Another big one is Special K. The ad to me runs something like this...I have a party tonight and need to fit into this cute little dress, but wait I can't eat hardly anything all day or I won't fit in my dress. So I'll just eat a small bowl of Special K! The "Special K" diet was the first and only diet I tried back in 7th grade, seeing all those commericals, I was like sure I'll try that. One the cereal tastes awful, and two, eating any plain cereal 3 times a day, would make anyone lose weight, because there is hardly any calories or nutritional value in it.
In my lifetime, I've had friends that have done one of the following things: They'd look in the mirror and exclaim to themselves, and for everyone to hear, "I look so fat!" Of course they were not in the slightest bit, and were the skinniest little things ever. But my immediate response to that was, well if you think you're fat, then what exactly does that make me? Obviously I'm not as skinny as you. Should I be concerned with the way I look? And more times than not I was generally confident in my young body image, and began to see a pattern of insecurity in friends through the decades that were wanting attention brought to themselves by people saying " no you're not fat, or you're so pretty." Or, I need to lose 5 pounds, I'm so fat. Well no one is perfect, and at some point you have to come to a place in your life that you're comfortable with your body. The fat jeans, the skinny jeans, etc. My solution to this scenario is just buy a bigger size jeans and deal with it. Personally I've ranged between 2-3 sizes in my teenage/adult life, and I've come to be okay with the fact that I'll probably never be as skinny as I was in HS, and I'm okay with that.
When I was in 6th grade, I had a good friend who had a cabin next to my families at the Lake of the Ozarks. We'd been friends for years. This year in particular was more disturbing. My friend invited me over, we ate like queens and stuffed ourselves silly, but then she immediately felt guilty, went to the bathroom and made herself throw up, and then we had to go running for miles and miles so she could burn it all off. That was my first real exposure to an eating disorder. Bulemia. Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I had a roommate who was a Barbie doll. Long blond hair, tan skin, fashionable clothes. Sure she looked happy to everyone on the outside, but she was one of the most insecure people I've known. We'd go eat our meals together. And then afterwards, she'd stop off at the bathroom and be in there for a good 15 minutes, and then come back in the room and dry her face off with a towel, because she had just washed it off in the bathroom. You guessed it, she also had Bulemia. She would scarf her food down, immediately feel guilty, throw it up, and then say she had to go running or work out at the gym for hours and hours because she felt so guilty eating all that food. She did all these things, and by observing her that year we were together, I could tell that she had a serious problem. So this taught me some very important things. Just because these friends were beautiful and skinny, did not mean that they were happy. They felt so insecure with their body image that they had to work out constantly to stay at their ideal. Not that there is anything wrong with exercising, but if you live your whole life saying, I'm so fat, or I wish I was skinnier, and that consumes you, then it's anything but healthy. For body image and self esteem.
When I was a Sophmore in H.S. I went on my first date for Homecoming, and we went with my best friend and her date. For some crazy reason, I fell into the oldest cliche that was widely known that girls should eat salads on dates. So I ordered a salad. Did it make me happy, NO. Was I starving afterwards, YES. Did I ever do that again on a date, Heck NO. So then fast forward to Seavie and I were on our first date a year and a half later, and what did I eat, but a nice big hamburger. Maybe this is why Seavie said it was love at first sight :) Probably not, but he was SO happy that I wasn't like so many girls he knew, and didn't order a salad. Honestly it might have been a deal breaker for him, if I ate like a rabbit, always whining about my weight and body image. So the only other time in my life that I did the salad as a meal thing was several years ago with a group of friends at the Cheesecake Factory. Of all the delicious things to order from there, I just like my friends, ordered a salad. It was expensive and awful, and I immediately regretted giving into that long standing girl cliche of eating Salad. So never again, will I fall into that again. I don't know what it is, when women get together for meals, that they are immediately worried about their personal body image, and how other people portray them. Will they pick at their meals and appear to be happy, while starving on the inside, Will they eat all their meal without feeling guilty, and be okay with that, or will they have to face the judgement of others who can't believe a friend of theirs just ate all that food. Stop the pretending and the whining and just eat food that makes you happy. It will make yourself feel better, and maybe even your spouse feel better, because they don't have to hear you constantly say you don't feel good about your body.
Then there is the issue of comparison. Women generally feel heavier around skinny people, and skinny around heavier people. And then the mental comparisons begin. I have a recent new friend who is bigger than me, and said, oh I wish I could be as skinny as you, to which my response was, well I wish I could be skinnier. Why can't we all find contentment with our own bodies. I personally know that there is no way I could be as thin as some people I know, because I'd be all skin and bones. There is an actress on a new nbc show that we love, but the actress is tall, but looks like skin and bones, with no body fat. Unhealthily skinny. So why is it that our society is so incredibly focused on making women feel insecure? Whether it's the food they're eating or not eating, or the clothes they should buy, or friends they should surround themselves with. Making women feel like they're living in a totally insecure world. Women should not be living their lives that way. I personally have never really dealt with insecurity issues dealing with food, besides my 2 salad slip ups. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. I'm not going to whine to my friends later about how fat I feel, or how I need to go work out at the gym. I work out when I have time, but my world is not consumed with it. There is a healthy balance. I've been eating better, and eating less and have still lost a little weight, even with not being consistently working out.
Self esteem and body image are important issues to come to terms with in your own life, of how you view yourself. Especially if you have a daughter. They can pick up on little insecurities like that. When Grace was at a friend's b'day party last year, one of the little girls who was a gymnast, was eating a piece of cake. Just enjoying being a kid. Her dad was there, and saw it, and directly told her she should not be eating it,and that she would have to run an x number of laps to burn the cake off. She was 8! I wanted to slap him. Men, especially dad's should never bring up an issue like that to such a young child. I've seen moms do it to, at restaurants. Don't eat this, it has too many calories, or don't eat this it's not healthy enough. Where is showing the child that you love them and want them to be happy with themselves. Obviously it's good for them to learn self control and balanced eating habits, but public criticism of your childs eating habits is inexcusable. I feel sad for girls in this generation surrounded by tabloids and magazines of nothing but super thin women who appear happy. What is that projecting to them? Positive body image is something that is learned at a very young age. Moms and Dads showing love to their kids,not telling them they wish they were this or that. I'm glad I never fell into the trap of my young friend who always said she was fat, when she was anything but. So with all my random tangents of this topic, I'm just saying be yourself, don't worry about what friends or society views you as. As long as you're happy with yourself that's all that truly matters. I'd rather weigh a little more and be happy and content, than be super skinny, or always saying I need to lose 5 lbs, and living life miserably. But that's just me.
