Matt and Molly

Please pray for my friend, Molly, who just lost her husband yesterday morning after he suffered a stroke on Sunday. He was only 35 years old. They had been married almost 10 years, and have a daughter, Harper, who they adopted as a baby, as well as a daughter Waverly, who they adopted, but was taken back by her birth father 1 year ago, after they fought a 2 1/2 year long adoption battle to keep her. It was absolutely tragic. No one should have to lose a child. Their family was still grieving her loss, but trying to move ahead, and had updated their home study, in hopes to adopt a new baby soon. Then this happened unexpectedly.

Matt was an amazing guy, so sweet, and was friendly to everyone that he'd meet. He and his family used to go to my old church, HCC. My friend Molly, I met 6 years ago, when we were in Community Bible Study together in the new mom's group for a year. We'd stayed in touch, and I followed her blog for almost 3 years reading the adoption journey of her daughter Waverly. Crying my heart out, because no one should have to go through that much pain.

Now to lose her husband, is unimaginable the absolute pain and grief that must be coming over her. Her world has already been shaken to the core by losing her daughter, and now this. Pray for strength and courage for her, as she needs to be strong for her and Harper. Pray for Harper to understand what happened with her daddy.

Matt's memorial service is this afternoon at 4pm, and I'll be heading to Heartland to celebrate his life, and to be there as support for Molly.

My heart aches so badly for my friend. In the last few days, it has made me realize more than ever, that life really is too short. You never know which day might be your last. This last year or so, with my grandma passing away, and then my neighbor, and my friend Michelle from c.b.s, who was too young, was a lot to handle. In addition to grieving with friends over lost babies. My heart just aches. I try to live each day, like it could possibly be my last. Tell my kids and hubby that I love them each day, and spend that time together. Holding them closer, not wanting to let them go. Thinking of what kind of legacy am I leaving to my children. Not taking anything forgranted. Life is too short.

Please pray for Molly and Harper...

10 year Wedding Anniversary trip!!!

at the very beautiful Inn on Crescent Lake B&B.... Our room, "The Ballroom," was located on the 3rd floor- or top L in this pic where the 4 dormer windows are. It's actually the old Mansion Ballroom that they turned into a suite.

It is a 1915 Georgian Colonial Mansion, on 22 acres of land, surrounded by 2 crescent shaped ponds.

***So the irony in the name of where we stayed is this- we got married in Eureka Springs, and had our Wedding Reception at The Crescent Moon Hotel there. At one point we had considered going on our 10 year trip to St.Louis. So instead we stayed here, Excelsior Springs, at

The Crescent Inn on the Lake, which is on St.Louis Ave. I just loved the similarities, and thought that it was so fitting of a place for our 10 year anniversary trip***

This is the picture from the website that made me fall in love with the B&B. As I've said before, I have really high standards for where I stay- a lot of it has to do with the Architecture and how well they kept with period decor. If it's not tastefully done, then I'm not going to stay there.

Here is a great aerial pic from their website showing the property

Here is our beautiful Ballroom Suite- with my Princess Canopy Bed. I have never in my life slept more comfortably than I did this weekend- the fabric softener she used smells delicious, and I was seriously in love with it.

The pretty bathroom suite with jetted Jacuzzi Tub. love.

The view of the property at night- which was gorgeous. The pergola at the bottom R side of the picture was wrapped with lights that went over the outdoor hot tub. It was beautiful. I'm still not letting go of my pergola dream for my own backyard.

So when Seavie and I first were dreaming of where we would go to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, we initially really wanted to go to Daytona Beach in FL. Specifically in February- so we could see Daytona 500, because we're both huge Nascar fan's. And it's right next to the beach, so win win. We knew early on that that was just going to be a dream, especially after having to buy a replacement car, and me not working. So we got a good laugh this year when we watched the race on tv this year. Not only did it rain all weekend, but the race was delayed several times. So had we actually gone, we would have had to pay extra to switch flights, stay extra nights, and not be able to enjoy the beach because it would have been raining. So it wasn't meant to be, and we had peace with that. Also, I was in the hospital in January, and now have a $4500 hospital bill to pay for, which was totally unexpected. But we agreed early on that we were not going to sacrifice our anniversary weekend at the sake of feeling overwhelmed by bills. The same went for when we bought our replacement t.v. If you're going to be poor, you might as well be happy right?

So rewinding back to last summer- we've seen everything happen in God's timing and his will for this series of events. Had I not gotten a job at aapc, I probably wouldn't have been able to afford to go to TX for Erin's wedding. But we did go, then we had the car accident, which if that hadn't happened, I probably wouldn't have gotten a 2nd job. But I did get a 2nd job- and then about a month later- wham. a gigantic hospital visit to pay for, and now some other health issues. So thankfully that 2nd job at the hospital allowed us to have $ to actually do something for our anniversary. Had it not been for that, we probably wouldn't have had this dream weekend, and also not had the means to pay off these medical bills and feel completely overwhelmed- just like we did almost 6 years ago. So all that to say that everything happens for a reason. I love my "new" car, I love my 2 jobs, and I love that I had a weekend away with my hubby. So good has come out of it so far. Even though the accident is still not settled with Insurance 6+ months later, I can only hope it happens soon, and nothing major will come from it.

So back to our weekend trip...

We left Friday morning after dropping off the kids at school/Aunt's house, and headed for Excelsior Springs. Our check in time was at 4pm, and it was kind of a cloudy/rainy day, so we decided to make that our shopping/explore downtown day. The town itself is beautiful, and in the process of continued revitalization. We first went to a shop called Redmond's. It was in this gorgeous old building with pressed tin ceilings and 2 separate mezzanines. I was in love. I told Seavie it would make an awesome loft house in my alternate reality. Just breathtaking. We also went to a place called Broadway Bargains- which was a thrift store in an old church- because I can't leave my bargain shopping behind on vacation. Didn't find anything there, so moved on to historical landmarks. This beautiful building below is called The Hall of Waters. Beautiful Art Deco style building. That gigantic bar you see in the middle was a Water Bar. The town started off of their variety of mineral springs, and this bar tapped in all the town favorites. People were being healed of various ailments by these different waters back in the day.

After that, we moved on to the Excelsior Springs Museum, where we had the nicest older gentleman as our tour guide for about 2 hours. Best $4 ever spent. This is a beautiful old bank with original interior. We learned a lot about the town history etc.

For lunch, we went to a place downtown called Ray's Diner. It was an original 1930's vintage diner. I had a cheeseburger with onion rings, and the onion rings were to die for. I was loving every single bite. After lunch, we strolled down main street, went to an original old Hardware store- which are always fun because they have so much unique stuff, and found a local Antique mall that had lots of funky old things- but Seavie wasn't loving the lamps, so I had to move on. Besides that, there weren't many other shops we were interested in, so we headed just a little outside of town, and found 3 giant flea market/antique stores that we explored for a few hours. Finally 4pm came around and we went to go check into the B&B. The front drive is breathtaking, made us feel like we were millionaires. We hung out for a few hours- and then went back into town for dinner at this amazing restaurant called Ventana's. We had heard great things about it. It was a casual/upscale atmosphere and they had a live piano player that evening. We both had a 7 oz.steak with loaded mashed potatoes and green beans- and it was delicious. The best thing the incredible berry/cookies n cream homemade cheesecake for dessert. Yum. We were stuffed. Came back and watched "50 first dates" movie in our room. It was a great night.

The next morning, Saturday, we actually got to sleep in. Breakfast was at 9am, and also incredibly delicious. Gourmet breakfast casserole, 2 biscuits, grapes with powdered sugar, sausage, and a hashbrown- with oj. Since we had already done most everything there was to do in town, we decided to drive down to Liberty, since it was only about 15 minutes south of there. We were excited to go back, since we had stayed there for our 1 year wedding anniversary and loved the town. Sadly, there was hardly anything left in the large town square. So we decided to use our gps to help us find some local antique stores. The first place it took us to, actually was someone's house in a newer neighborhood, which we got a good laugh out of. But the gps redeemed itself by taking us to a place called Timeless Treasure's in Claycomo. I got 2 old fashioned children's photos, and a vintage clock that I'm in love with. Seavie got 2 antique license plates and an old road sign. It was a great store- the only annoying part was this group of highly obnoxious and loud older women who came into the store maybe 10 minutes after us. I spent a good part of time trying to avoid them and their horrible chatter. So right next door was a Maj-R-Thrift, and I just love this store in Olathe. Seavie had never been to one, so we went through it, didn't stay too long, which I would have loved to look for new clothes, but didn't want to torture Seavie with that, so we headed back to Excelsior Springs for some lunch at Wabash BBQ.

This BBQ restaurant is located at an old train depot right across the street from The Elms (which is currently being renovated to re-open next month- but we didn't stay there because it's supposedly haunted- and we know how that ends). So we both had the pulled pork sandwich- it was incredible honestly- probably the best we've ever had. So after lunch, we went back to the B&B, and went on a paddle boat ride. It was really a lot of fun, just floating down the little pond together. Our boat started taking on water about 1/2 way back, so poor Seavie had to take off his shoes, and go barefoot to peddle. We made it back safely to shore, and then went on a walk down the walking path they have on the property. It was such a beautiful day outside, and it was great just having time together. We went back to the room, and watched tv for a while, and found this freakin hilarious tv show called "My cat from hell" on animal planet. For those of you who know me really well, you know that I absolutely hate cats... with a passion. Well this show is all about trying to change the cats behavior so the owner's don't have to get rid of them. It was quite funny, and really quite sad that the people were so whipped by their cats. We went back in town that night to Ventana again, since it was so yummy. This time we tried different things, my pasta was okay, but the cheese crusted pita bread that came with it was great. For dessert, we shared a piece of Peanut Butter chocolate cheesecake. Oh my goodness, it was delicious. Homemade cheesecake is heavenly. We should have only had dessert, we were so stuffed after a day of eating yummy food. We had to walk around for a while after that. So we went back to the B&B and finally got to go enjoy the hot tub outside for about an hour, since it was such a nice night. Then we watched "Double Jeopardy" which we hadn't seen in forever. A perk of the B&B was that they had complimentary fresh baked cookies and pop-which we loved. The owner was sweet and gave us a complimentary sparkling grape juice to toast with for our anniversary. It was really sweet. We've been through a lot these last 10 years, and it was nice to be able to celebrate being on a new chapter of our lives.

Sunday morning, we got to sleep in again. I totally fell in love with the fabric softener that the sheets smelled like. It was like I was on a Gain or a febreeze commercial. Yum. Going to find that at the store soon... So breakfast was authentic french toast with strawberries and cream in the middle layer. With real pieces of french bread, that were more like buttered toast, not egg coated. The owner is originally from France, and is an amazing chef. This was served with little smokie like sausages. It was just incredible. Check out time was 11am. So after that we headed back to Wabash BBQ for lunch. This time Seavie and I split a Brisket sandwich, which was really good, but the pork was definitely the best. Then we headed off to our Historical Park day.

We went to Watkins Mill State Park, which is in Kearney. For $4/piece we got to tour both this awesome Textile Mill from the mid 1800's

and this beautiful house that was part of the property. It had original woodwork and furnishings and it had 2 crazy staircases that made ours look relatively calm. They had 11 kids that shared a total of 2-3 bedrooms. Boys on one side of the house, girls on the other- with separate staircases. They had an amazing farm set-up. The entire basement was basically a gigantic refrigerator- one area for dairy, one for meat, and one for fruits. There was a smokehouse, summer kitchen, fruit dehydrator shed, 1 acre garden, chicken/turkey coop. It was incredible. How would you have liked to be that farm wife cooking for 15-25 people a day- family and farm hands included?

Then after leaving the Watkins Mill State Park, we headed off to the Jesse James Farmstead, also in Kearney. They have an amazing museum there with a video history, as well as a lot of historical items that belonged to him and his family. Seavie is a huge Wild West/Cowboy fan, so we had to stop here and see what the true story of Jesse James was. I honestly learned a lot. I had no clue that his whole reason for getting into the gang was for revenge against the Union army. He was also involved with Quantrill's raiders, who did a lot of damage in the KS/MO area. Some random facts about Jesse James, his father was a Baptist Preacher. Jesse married his first cousin, and they had 4 kids, the twins passed away at 1 month old. His brother Frank was the calm, passive one. Jesse was shot in the back by a friend who wanted the reward money that had been offered as a hit on his life. We also got to tour his farmstead that he grew up on. As pictured below.

It was a great tour, and we had a great time. We both love Historical Places, so we definitely got in a lot of that over the weekend. The weather was absolutely perfect Sat/Sun, so it was great to get some R&R and have a weekend off of work and kid duty. Now it's back to reality!

New years thoughts

So a lot has been going on in my life the last month or so. I've been working at the hospital almost the last month and a half now. So I've pretty much been absolutely exhausted from working 37 hours a week... I honestly don't know how working moms do it. My house has been not the cleanest, and at moments looked like a disaster zone. Take the week or two before Christmas, I was so tired, that I was behind a week, in making 12 of my neighbors some banana bread; and didn't get gifts for the kids teachers. They just got cards. I felt awful. But it all worked out okay.

I've found myself actually missing my family. Something new, because from past jobs, it was a tremendous relief to have a break from the kiddos. I find myself seeing the joy in the eyes of my friends who are stay at home mom's with their little babies/toddlers... and missing that sweet baby stage, and just wanting to snuggle with them. Also, something new for me. Before it was all about "escaping." Now it's about working to pay off debt and save money, and it's hard work.

Just in the last week or two, I've gotten more into the routine, and things at work go easier, just a change of mindset. Things that I love about work: a very nice boss, close parking at night, yummy hospital food with a 30% discount(you heard me right- I love it), how the bathroom smells like apples, and pretty much working by myself. It's so nice to work in an environment, totally independent, and not have to worry about daily stresses from lots of people rushing around. The only thing I don't like is wearing black pants. I'm so spoiled, since I get to wear jeans to aapc.

Things at aapc are going really well. I have 3 options clients right now, and they're all amazing to work with. I love working for a non-profit, and that what I do has an eternal impact, and it makes it that much more rewarding. There are very few jobs in life that you could say that about. I love my co-workers, and the schedule. If the opportunity every arises someday to work there FT, I would do it in a heartbeat.

So I've been working 12 hrs a week at aapc, and 25 hrs a week at the hospital. My hours with the hospital will be staying that way at least through February, maybe March. Right now I've been working M-F 6:30-11:30pm. Starting next week, I'll be doing T/Th 6:30-11:30pm, and then Sat/Sun evenings. Which will be great, because it will still be the same hours, but I'll have more time in the weekday with the family, and pretty much have the whole weekend together until 7:30pm when I go in to work. Also, I won't have to work a total of 13 hrs on Fridays, which was brutal last week. I could hardly stay awake. I'm sure some of you are thinking that I'm crazy, but we're super intense on getting this debt paid off, and looking forward to living debt free within the next 2 years or less. Sacrifice hurts.

on a non-related, random tangent...

My new years resolutions of sorts-1. Getting a lot of debt paid off. Once it's all done, it would free up a lot of monthly resources that could be saved, and put toward paying off our house. 2. continue towards my goal of losing more weight. not to be confused with being obsessed with it, or dieting or anything, but enjoying life and eating better. from my goal from last year, i've lost almost 20 lbs. since this time last year. still have another 20-25 to go. 3. starting over with a new bible study. i've been doing cbs for the last 7 years, and have pretty much always enjoyed it. this year, i'm not feeling it though, and feel more obligation than anything. so i'm switching and doing a bible study at my church instead. 4. continuing to be more bold in my daily life 5. spending more time with friends who care about me

that about sums up my life this last month or so. i totally missed out on the Christmas post this year. it was a good, simple Christmas, keeping Christ as the center. our family, as well as our parents kept it all low key. which i just loved. also kept the budget about the same as the last 3 years for 16 people, under $200 total. even though we have more $ now, i still am commited to doing heartfelt, low cost gifts, and being able to give more to others in need.

i miss my grandma billie deeply, and it has been really hard. our next door neighbor passed away a week after she did. then just 2 weeks ago, one of my friends from cbs passed away. she was only 54, and had melanoma skin cancer. all 3 of them are with Jesus now, and that makes me happy. it has been a lot of grief within a one month time. i feel closer to God during this time, not angry or anything. but still a little sad.

Almost 2 months to go...

until Seavie and I's 10 year wedding anniversary!!! I have been searching for what seems like weeks and months for the perfect place to stay, and finally found it the other day, and am so giddy with excitement, I can hardly contain myself. Which is rare for me :) 10 years is a big deal, with lots of celebration.

So backtracking for a moment, here is a summarized version of the last 10 years... We got married in Eureka Springs, AR at a cute little wedding chapel. Our reception dinner was at the Crescent Moon Hotel- which was gorgeous (and also supposedly haunted). We had 2 nights at the honeymoon cottage (that had a hot tub I couldn't enjoy), and then the 3rd night at the Basin Park Hotel. Well that hotel was haunted (no joke. google it), and we've never been more scared to stay somewhere in our life. We went to sleep and woke up in the morning and the bathroom light was on, and neither one of us turned it on. We left first thing in the morning, and never looked back. We were still in college-at separate schools-4 hours away from each other. So my new hubby had to drop me off at home, where we had a tearful goodbye. So for our first 2 months of married life, we only really saw each other on the weekends- at either of our parents house (how romantic). Not the most ideal way to start a marriage, but we were young and in love, and it worked.

So for our Anniversaries every year, we've always done something fun to celebrate.

*1 year-we stayed at the "St.James Inn" B&B in Liberty, which was beautiful- it was also an old church they converted to a B&B.

*2 year- we went to Lawrence, and stayed at "The Eldridge Hotel." A Beautiful,historic hotel.

*3rd-6th year- we didn't have very much extra $, so we went to the New Dinner Theater to celebrate.

*7 year- we had a romantic weekend at Weston at "The Hatchery House." Which I highly recommend!

*8 year-we spent 1/2 in Weston, and 1/2 at KC Power and Light District on a romantic snowy evening.

*9 yr- low key-had dinner at J.Gilberts- used the extra $ to re-do our master bedroom.

*10 yr- that will stay a suprise until after our weekend away. but it's A.MAZ.ING.

So originally, we had planned a big 10 year anniversary, week long trip somewhere romantic. The realized that on one modest income, that was not very feasible. So I started looking for places to stay that were no more than 5 hours away from here. 2 that were very close runner ups were, Sainte Genevieve,MO (1 hr S of St.Louis), and Hermann,MO. But after this summer/fall with all of our driving trips, we both had more than enough of our fill from driving for long periods of time. So as much as we wanted to travel farther, we agreed to find a place not more than an hour or so away.

I have pretty stringent criteria for b&b's. The first and biggest point, is that it has to be old, and historical. The second, it can't have hideous furnishings or decor. That doesn't go well with my interior designer side. The third, it has to have really good food for breakfast-not just bread and juice etc. The fourth-atmosphere. You can learn a lot by b&b websites of getting a feel for what it might be like before you get there. The one I found for our 1o year fits all this criteria, and I'm just so in love with it, and we haven't even been there yet. It's at a beautiful Mansion (not haunted), and it's gorgeous. Seavie and I love B&B'S, and would much rather spend time in a little small town, then a big city, at least at this point. So it's really fitting for us. Looking forward to a real, romantic second-honeymoon with my hubby.

This whole 10 year trip is made possible by my new job at the hospital, and actually being able to save up $ for things like this. So for that I'm grateful. Looking forward into the future, either at 15 or 20 years, I have my heart set on going to Fiji for a week. Then for 25 years- to Scotland or Ireland or both. Seavie and I will be empty-nesters at 43, so anything is possible :)

And then there were two

So, I quit my job at the retail store this past Monday. I worked Black Friday, and it went well. Nice managers, nice customers, but my gosh, I wanted to rip my hair out after I folded what seemed like 1000 different clothes items. Very mind numbing. And people are so incredibly messy. Leaving food trash all over aisles and behind displays, opening packages and scattering contents everywhere. I kept thinking, I've worked to hard to not be back in retail again, and I'm definitely not getting paid enough to do this. So I had to take lots of deep breaths, and try and calmly reassure myself to not have a meltdown in the store. So I made it through Friday, then I was back again Monday night, folding clothes for 6.5 hours. Do you know how incredibly awful that is for any human being. And the fitting rooms were a disaster zone I refused to touch, and when they told me to go work on them, I had to take 5 minutes to cry and to calm my nerves and take it a minute at a time. It took everything that I had to not seriously run out of the store, I was that upset about it. And that's a really rare thing for me. The last time I worked true retail was almost 10 years ago. When I did Expo 7 years ago, it was a high end show room, and more professional work environment. So back to retail- in college I could barely last 2-3 months at a home improvement store, the customers were mean, the managers were incredibly lazy and worthless. I survived the pet store for several years off and on, and it wasn't bad. Still had issues, but it was tolerable. But I think I'd almost rather deal with nasty customers over folding clothes and cleaning up people's messes. I don't mind doing it at home, because it's on such a small scale. But my gosh, I was thinking this is so below my pay grade. I have a college degree, and I'm working here.

But on the bright side, I start with my hospital office job this next Monday for training. It's an environment that I'm comfortable in, I get to work independently and set my own hours. I can definitively say that I will never be back to work in retail ever again after my little fiasco. I have also never had a harder time with trying to figure out which job to accept. I applied to 3 retail stores- for seasonal positions, received 3 offers, and applied to a hospital- accepted, and local dr.practice and just received an offer today (a month later) that I had to turn down, because the timing took to long. I've never run into that before, or ever expected that to happen. I really wanted the job at the dr.practice, but it wasn't meant to be. It does make me feel better, knowing that my experience at aapc as a volunteer for 6 1/2 yrs really prepared me to be competitive in the job market in the health care related field. So after almost 10 years of pretty much being a SAHM, besides working PT off and on over the years, I'm officially a working mom. The hours combined with the hospital job and aapc, will probably equal 40 hrs a week. Now I just have to work on finding the right balance of work and family- especially since this job will be evenings. I can work anywhere from 10-40 hours with this new job. But I still can't figure out how many hours to work. Part of me wants to work the most I can, so we can get everything paid off sooner, but then I have much less time with family. If I worked 40 hrs a week, I could get all of our home improvement and car debt knocked out in a little over a year. Which would be huge for us. Then I could cut the hours way down, and do more like 20 hrs a week. I'm hoping to have a better gage of what I'll do after I go in for training next week, and see exactly what is involved. The full job description sounds pretty intense. So we'll see.

Another new job

So in the last few weeks, I've gone from having one part time job, to 3 part time jobs. I'm still at aapc and will stay there forever if they let me :) so that will never change. After checking with my bosses there first, I started looking into PT seasonal jobs to work just Nov-Jan to get a little extra income. I applied to 3 retail places, and heard back from all of them with offers, but just accepted one. So I've made it through the orientation and 3 days of "training" and running the register again. I would have never thought I'd make it back to the world of retail after it's been almost 7 years since I swore I never would. The place were I'm at, the environment is very positive, most employees and managers are women, and that makes a huge difference in avoiding potential harrasment issues, etc. like I'd had in the past. So lucky me gets to work the evening on Black Friday, here's to hoping I survive that. Then a few days after I accepted this retail job, I got a call from a local hospital where I'd applied to a few weeks before offering me a job there. So I'll be starting that at the end of November/early December. It will be PT weekday evenings. I'll possibly stay on with retail just on weekends through December if I'm needed. I'm so excited about the hospital job though, because I used to volunteer there in HS for 2 years, and am very familiar with the building etc.

I was planning on going back to work anyways when Mr.B starts all day Kindergarten next fall, but this timing just worked out better than I thought. Since it's evenings, I'll still have days free during the school year and summer to do activities together like we always have, and then Seavie will watch them in the evening. So with this job and aapc, it will be like having a 32+ hr week job. Since we now have a car payment for the first time in 6 years, we are adament about getting our debt payed off asap. Our goal is to be debt free of all c.c. debt that is 99% home improvement related and our car loan, within the next 18 months to 2 years at the most. Then start knocking out our mortgage. After all the debt is paid, I wouldn't have to work anymore, besides aapc, and would have the burden of debt completely lifted. I'm so looking forward to that day. To hopefully be completely debt free by the time we're 40. I can dream right? Looking forward to the 30's being much better than the 20's in regards to living more freely and being able to give more than we've ever been able to. It's the last step in Dave Ramsey's plan that I'm looking forward to the most- Give like no one else. I just can't wait to get ahead for the first time in our married life after struggling with finances for almost 10 years, I'm just ready for that old chapter to be done with and actually feel like an adult.

Youth Group Reunion

This past Saturday I got to attend part of my old church's 50 year anniversary celebration. I only went to the Youth Group Reunion that was specifically for my old youth pastor Keith. He was my youth pastor from 1996-1999, but also did Seavie and I's pre-marital counseling in 2001-2002 and was going to marry us before we "eloped" a few months early. It was so great to see him again, it had been about 7 1/2 years since we'd seen him, when he officiated my sister in law's wedding. It was good to see old friends and faces. We all had lunch together, then watched this hilarious video from 1996 Hutch trip-Erin L., you were in it too :) Then we had a time of worship all together and sang some awesome old school youth group songs, which brought me to tears. It was so amazing being back in the place that was so formational to my youth and early years as a Christian. I felt so close to God in that place again worshipping like I had done almost 15 years ago. We also had a time of sharing what has been going on in our lives the last 10-15 years. It was a great time to tell Keith that even though Seavie and I's life took a different turn, that God has used it all for his glory and his plan. It was a great afternoon, and I was so sad to leave, knowing that I most likely won't be back there anytime soon. I pretty much grew up at that church 1989-2006, so it holds many memories from the past.

Women and Body Image

I've been more than a little irritated with the ads I've seen on tv lately directed at women. Maybe you've seen them as well... specifically in regards to body image. Yoplait is a big one that bothers me, and I believe one of the commercials got pulled after so many complaints, but it's something like this... The woman looking in the fridge wondering what to eat- should she have real cheesecake or yogurt? If she eats the real stuff, then she has to work out at the gym for so many hours, and burn extra calories, etc. So she just settles for the yogurt. Another big one is Special K. The ad to me runs something like this...I have a party tonight and need to fit into this cute little dress, but wait I can't eat hardly anything all day or I won't fit in my dress. So I'll just eat a small bowl of Special K! The "Special K" diet was the first and only diet I tried back in 7th grade, seeing all those commericals, I was like sure I'll try that. One the cereal tastes awful, and two, eating any plain cereal 3 times a day, would make anyone lose weight, because there is hardly any calories or nutritional value in it.

In my lifetime, I've had friends that have done one of the following things: They'd look in the mirror and exclaim to themselves, and for everyone to hear, "I look so fat!" Of course they were not in the slightest bit, and were the skinniest little things ever. But my immediate response to that was, well if you think you're fat, then what exactly does that make me? Obviously I'm not as skinny as you. Should I be concerned with the way I look? And more times than not I was generally confident in my young body image, and began to see a pattern of insecurity in friends through the decades that were wanting attention brought to themselves by people saying " no you're not fat, or you're so pretty." Or, I need to lose 5 pounds, I'm so fat. Well no one is perfect, and at some point you have to come to a place in your life that you're comfortable with your body. The fat jeans, the skinny jeans, etc. My solution to this scenario is just buy a bigger size jeans and deal with it. Personally I've ranged between 2-3 sizes in my teenage/adult life, and I've come to be okay with the fact that I'll probably never be as skinny as I was in HS, and I'm okay with that.

When I was in 6th grade, I had a good friend who had a cabin next to my families at the Lake of the Ozarks. We'd been friends for years. This year in particular was more disturbing. My friend invited me over, we ate like queens and stuffed ourselves silly, but then she immediately felt guilty, went to the bathroom and made herself throw up, and then we had to go running for miles and miles so she could burn it all off. That was my first real exposure to an eating disorder. Bulemia. Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I had a roommate who was a Barbie doll. Long blond hair, tan skin, fashionable clothes. Sure she looked happy to everyone on the outside, but she was one of the most insecure people I've known. We'd go eat our meals together. And then afterwards, she'd stop off at the bathroom and be in there for a good 15 minutes, and then come back in the room and dry her face off with a towel, because she had just washed it off in the bathroom. You guessed it, she also had Bulemia. She would scarf her food down, immediately feel guilty, throw it up, and then say she had to go running or work out at the gym for hours and hours because she felt so guilty eating all that food. She did all these things, and by observing her that year we were together, I could tell that she had a serious problem. So this taught me some very important things. Just because these friends were beautiful and skinny, did not mean that they were happy. They felt so insecure with their body image that they had to work out constantly to stay at their ideal. Not that there is anything wrong with exercising, but if you live your whole life saying, I'm so fat, or I wish I was skinnier, and that consumes you, then it's anything but healthy. For body image and self esteem.

When I was a Sophmore in H.S. I went on my first date for Homecoming, and we went with my best friend and her date. For some crazy reason, I fell into the oldest cliche that was widely known that girls should eat salads on dates. So I ordered a salad. Did it make me happy, NO. Was I starving afterwards, YES. Did I ever do that again on a date, Heck NO. So then fast forward to Seavie and I were on our first date a year and a half later, and what did I eat, but a nice big hamburger. Maybe this is why Seavie said it was love at first sight :) Probably not, but he was SO happy that I wasn't like so many girls he knew, and didn't order a salad. Honestly it might have been a deal breaker for him, if I ate like a rabbit, always whining about my weight and body image. So the only other time in my life that I did the salad as a meal thing was several years ago with a group of friends at the Cheesecake Factory. Of all the delicious things to order from there, I just like my friends, ordered a salad. It was expensive and awful, and I immediately regretted giving into that long standing girl cliche of eating Salad. So never again, will I fall into that again. I don't know what it is, when women get together for meals, that they are immediately worried about their personal body image, and how other people portray them. Will they pick at their meals and appear to be happy, while starving on the inside, Will they eat all their meal without feeling guilty, and be okay with that, or will they have to face the judgement of others who can't believe a friend of theirs just ate all that food. Stop the pretending and the whining and just eat food that makes you happy. It will make yourself feel better, and maybe even your spouse feel better, because they don't have to hear you constantly say you don't feel good about your body.

Then there is the issue of comparison. Women generally feel heavier around skinny people, and skinny around heavier people. And then the mental comparisons begin. I have a recent new friend who is bigger than me, and said, oh I wish I could be as skinny as you, to which my response was, well I wish I could be skinnier. Why can't we all find contentment with our own bodies. I personally know that there is no way I could be as thin as some people I know, because I'd be all skin and bones. There is an actress on a new nbc show that we love, but the actress is tall, but looks like skin and bones, with no body fat. Unhealthily skinny. So why is it that our society is so incredibly focused on making women feel insecure? Whether it's the food they're eating or not eating, or the clothes they should buy, or friends they should surround themselves with. Making women feel like they're living in a totally insecure world. Women should not be living their lives that way. I personally have never really dealt with insecurity issues dealing with food, besides my 2 salad slip ups. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. I'm not going to whine to my friends later about how fat I feel, or how I need to go work out at the gym. I work out when I have time, but my world is not consumed with it. There is a healthy balance. I've been eating better, and eating less and have still lost a little weight, even with not being consistently working out.

Self esteem and body image are important issues to come to terms with in your own life, of how you view yourself. Especially if you have a daughter. They can pick up on little insecurities like that. When Grace was at a friend's b'day party last year, one of the little girls who was a gymnast, was eating a piece of cake. Just enjoying being a kid. Her dad was there, and saw it, and directly told her she should not be eating it,and that she would have to run an x number of laps to burn the cake off. She was 8! I wanted to slap him. Men, especially dad's should never bring up an issue like that to such a young child. I've seen moms do it to, at restaurants. Don't eat this, it has too many calories, or don't eat this it's not healthy enough. Where is showing the child that you love them and want them to be happy with themselves. Obviously it's good for them to learn self control and balanced eating habits, but public criticism of your childs eating habits is inexcusable. I feel sad for girls in this generation surrounded by tabloids and magazines of nothing but super thin women who appear happy. What is that projecting to them? Positive body image is something that is learned at a very young age. Moms and Dads showing love to their kids,not telling them they wish they were this or that. I'm glad I never fell into the trap of my young friend who always said she was fat, when she was anything but. So with all my random tangents of this topic, I'm just saying be yourself, don't worry about what friends or society views you as. As long as you're happy with yourself that's all that truly matters. I'd rather weigh a little more and be happy and content, than be super skinny, or always saying I need to lose 5 lbs, and living life miserably. But that's just me.

Children dealing with Spiritual Warfare

So with Halloween 5 days away, I wanted to write about this topic. It was on my mind yesterday when I saw/heard 2 disturbing things. First, my daughter said that a friend of her's from school was playing "vampire" at school and going around and trying to bite people. In general this little girl is a little disturbed, and I'm only saying that because I know her well. She is 8, her older sister is 10, and she has told me that they have seen the Twilight movies. The older sister has a dark quiet personality, that she's had a lot to deal with. I just can't get over the fact that their parents would be okay with them seeing these movies, when it's obvious to me that it's having a negative affect on their lives. The second thing was that Grace brought home a spelling list to organize 6 different groups of words that were all Halloween related. I'm okay with simple little things, skeleton, mask, scary etc. but some of the words on this list were s*ance, w*rlock, g*oul. Grace asked me what a w*rlock was, and I told her it was an evil magician that is not real. I was a little horrified at this assignment, so I wrote her teacher and asked to opt Grace out of any activity dealing with witches, ghosts,etc and to have an alternative assignment. Yes, she goes to public school, but this has never ever happened before. All 3 of her teachers previously have been either Jewish or Christian, and have never really pushed Halloween activities. Her new school doesn't have Holiday parties, which I've taken an issue with the PTA about. But I was shocked by this assignment, I wanted to throw it away, and tell the teacher she wasn't going to do it.

So this is where I'm coming from on all of this... anytime the kids happen to be in the room with us watching a family friendly tv show, and a horror movie preview comes on, I make them, close their eyes and plug their ears or leave the room. I do the same thing, and always have. Even on the radio with haunted house commercials, scare me to death. seriously. I do this because I have a very sensitive spirit, and it's due to what happened when I was growing up.

So when I was 5, I was at a friends house, and his dad was watching "fright night" the original one. I watched it not once, but twice. I had nightmares for months and months about vampires and werewolves and bodies in trashbags. To this day, I am scared to death of the 2 of the aforementioned things. So then in elementary school when I was about 8 or 9, my dad was watching "carrie", and said I could watch it with him. My mom would always say it wasn't good for me, but my dad vetoed her. I wish she would have fought for my spirit more. So that movie is traumatic no matter what age you are, and especially girls who haven't started their time of the month yet. Then a lot of stuff went on even in my girl scout group with "Christian" leaders. One halloween party in particular, they made fake tombstones for every girl, and mine gave me nightmares for months. It said here lies Megan, who choked on the strings of her pajamas. Awful awful idea. Then they played this game which also scared me to death, the one where they say, she looks sick, she looks pale, she looks dead, and then raise your body up to the sky. Totally messing with the supernatural in not a good way. I was terrified. Luckily my mom had a 6th sense that I was in trouble and came and rescued me from the party without me even calling.

In awana's when I was in 5th grade, we heard a story of a black cat that had been possessed by the spirit of a ouigi board. Once again gave me the worst nightmares and I'm scared to death of black cats as well. I was also told the B*oody Mary story (not at awana's-most likely in girl scouts) developed a fear of mirrors in the dark, which I still have today. Then I went through a phase in middle school watching horror movies on tv, probably when my mom was at work. They would scare me, but I would still be intrigued. When I was 14, we went to Disney World, and went to the Haunted Mansion- I was shaking and crying the whole time because it disturbed me that much. Then HS, saw the Scream movies (became afraid of bathroom stalls for a while), and the I know what you did last summer movies. I never watched a horror movie/scary movie again!

So fast forward to a few years ago, when I read 2 books by the Christian author, Frank Perretti. "This Present Darkness" and "Piercing the Darkness". I highly highly recommend them both to anyone who is interested in learning about the real world of spiritual warfare. It completely opened up my eyes to the daily battles that go on in the world of good and evil. How seemingly innocent things can slowly but surely take over your spirit, until it's too late, and it has a hold on your soul. Scary, but true. In my community bible study, we're studying Acts. Today there was a passage about this man whose name was Simon, and he was a sorceror. One of the verses we had to look up was in:

Deuteronomy 18:10-14

"Let no one be found among you who... practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in w*tchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist who consults with the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord.... You must be blameless before the Lord your God."

Obviously I don't know anyone who does these things, but I think it can apply to the tv shows and movies we fill our mind, and eventually our spirit with. Slowly becoming desensitized to the fact that God finds these things evil. Adults all make their own decisions and everyone has different tastes in what they like and don't like. But my biggest issue with all of this, is that as parents, we need to protect our children from these occult influences in the world. It may seem fun and happy, but it can be harmful to their spirit, if they are really sensitive to these things. Grace knows that all these things of Halloween are pretend. But in a sense, the evil is alive and thriving in the world, but she doesn't need to know the intensity of it now, just that God doesn't like those things. So no, I'm not one of those people who doesn't recognize Halloween, but I don't celebrate it either. The kids know the only thing we focus on is dressing up in a fun costume and going out to get candy. That's just my opinion. I've always had an overly sensitive spirit with these types of things, and I really feel like God has given me the spirit of discernment to tell what is good and not good, real and not real. I'm just trying to be the best parent I can be, and protecting my children from potential harm that could be caused to their spirit, by avoiding these scary movies, and anything occult. I wish that my parents could have guarded me from all of that, or taken a stronger stand for me. It's my turn to make a difference in the lives of my children.

Creative re-use of a vintage stereo cabinet

Got this off of craigslist for $10. I know I'm a big spender. It's a vintage Magnavox Stereo Cabinet with the record player and stereo still intact, with speakers on the ends.But we're going to take that all out, and turn it into our new entertainment center. It's going to be amazing painted antique white, with a distressed weathered look on the detailing. New hardware as well. Hubs is going to re-design the inside so it can fit our speakers and stereo equipment, and make the doors functional. Right now they don't open. So eventually, and probably not until next spring, we can put our yet to be purchased flat screen tv above this on the wall, so it won't take up as much space.

It's the perfect size- 30" tall, 19" deep, and 60" long. Same size as modern entertainment centers for flat screens, but very a very small fraction of the cost. There is no way that I'd buy the same thing for several hundred dollars, when I could get the same effect from this vintage piece for only $10.

This old stereo cabinet was from 1965. It has hints of Neo-Classical detailing as seen by the fluted ends and legs. Which is funny because our piano which is from 1977, is more French style with cabriole legs. And if I get the coffee table that I love, that would add some Mediterranean style in there. They actually blend really well, it's just kind of funny to me.

I just love adaptive re-use projects. Our soon to be repainted living room is just full of them. When we paint this piece, I'll get all my empty frames painted as well, so they'll be all ready to go for the living room re-do. Stay tuned for after pics!