Priorities,Commitments and Fair weather friends

Last month,I've finished up being:

*a children's teacher for Community Bible Study

*in MOPS at my church

*an assistant Girl Scout troop leader

AND my part time job

On top of that:

*I teach Sunday School 2x a month, once for 2/3's and once in 4/5's

*scheduling 4/5's class

*youth group childcare once a month

*babysitting 4-5x a mo. at jazzerise

*being a taxi driver to Grace with all 3 of her activities

AND volunteering on a weekly basis at a crisis pregnancy center.

Some may call that over commitment, and yes that very well may be true. But even with all of these activities, with hardly any time for myself, I found the time to help promote and Walk in the Walk for Life at the pregnancy center where I volunteer. Initially it seemed to being going really well with my friends wanting to help out and walk, but then just a few weeks away, 3 different people who said they signed up and were going to walk, dropped out at the last minute because they were too "busy." This is one of the things where it comes to a person's level of commitment and priorities in their life. If they truly wanted it to be something to be involved in, then they would have found a way to make it work.

I find it very hard to deal with people who have a hard time following through with commitment. I admit that maybe a few of these things I was involved in I signed up for because I was worried about saying no, and offending someone, but I am just not that person anymore. I have been burned so many times, that I can't just agree with every change that comes up, and say, oh that's okay. Because the old me would just go with the flow, and everything is okay.

The older I get, the more my perspective is changing on my world, and my friendships. For those of you who know me fairly well, you know that I can be kind of quiet at times. I'm the type of person that likes to take it all in initially and read what a person is truly like. Then getting to know the friend, and what they're like etc. This has been on my mind lately, because it seems like a few people in my life have become what my dad would call a "fair-weather friend." This is definied as "someone who is friendly only when it is advantageous or easy."
Retrieved from "http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fair_weather_friend"

For example:

the friend who just says hi and hello, and how are you, but never takes the time or the effort to get to know you personally.

the friend who is okay on a social level, but not on a deeper friendship level.

the friend who only talks about trivial things, not about things that truly matter, or have significance.

the friend who is only concerned about their popularity, or by their appearance to others.

the friend who doesn't want to take time out of their schedule to be involved in your life

My heart yearns for the friendships of my youth, where friends and I could just talk for hours about everything going on in our lives, and have that deep lasting friendship. There are 2 of my dear friends that I've know for less than 2 years that I feel so connected to. We share similar life experiences, and thoughts on family, and politics, and books etc. Friends that I can share my heart and soul with, and receive encouragement and support from. That is what I need in my life right now! I have such a wide variety of friends, some I've known since elementary school, some from youth group growing up, some from college. They're all great friends, and have been for those stages in my life. I'm at a point where I sometimes feel so connected to my friends, and to the outside world, via e-mail, or facebook, but then feel equally alone and forgotten, for lack of face to face relationships. Then when something comes up, like a friend who can't get together over a special occasion, it completely crushes me. I am a secure person, and probably the last person to consider myself needy, but I just can't have fair weather friends right now. I need that deeper, more meaningful "real" friendship. I have been trying to make that effort towards people in my life, but it has been hard for me when the answer is "I'm busy". which to me means that they don't have time for me right now.

Sorry for all my rants and ravings, it seems like my thoughts and feelings have been all over the charts lately. I think part of it has to do, that I'm another year older tommorrow, and with every year, it seems like that much of my past has slipped away. I was in tears the other afternoon, when I was cleaning and came across my old studio model,and design boards from college that I put my heart and soul into. Doing something that I loved so passionately. I think it comes down to that I have been so busy busy busy with all of these activities in my life, that I haven't had hardly enough time to spend on myself. Sometimes it's so hard to think of all the things I sacrificed to be a stay at home mom so young, at only 21. I am happy with my life, but trying to fill the emptiness that my heart holds. I need to spend more time with God, and with friends in the real relationships, that are encouraging and not superficial, more time with my family and with my children. So this fall, 5 of my previous activities I'm not returning to, so I can focus my attention to the things that mean the most to me in my life:

GOD, family and friends :)