The jaded stay at home mom

So I was out the other day and met with some new friends, who also happened to be stay at home moms. They had kids who were younger, ages 1 and 3, and 1 1/2 with a baby on they way. One of the moms was talking about playgroups and playdates, to both of us, and the other mom was so excited because that's just what she had been looking for (and it very well could be exactly what they need in this time of their life right now) but me, the jaded mom is thinking, "yeah how exciting" in my sarcastic inner voice. Not that I don't love getting together with friends and their kiddos, because I do. I think that's the difference of being a long time stay at home mom vs. the new mom. It's almost like a certain naieveness of how cheerful and happy the life of a stay at home mom is. I am just not that perky, super happy, mini-van driving mom. I have no inclination to spend every weekend or weeknight at kids sporting events. I don't think I ever will be. I love my kids and my life, but I'm just not that person. I am the independent, sometimes free spirited, SUV driving mom. And I like driving my sporty 4 door car around-it makes me feel young again. I'm not super hands on, but still love to play games and crafts and not afraid to have fun. I'm totally okay with my kids not being in sports yet. I'm cool with just dance and awana's. Like any mom, I need my break everyday, to relax and have me-time. No one's life is perfect, and neither is the life of a stay at home mom. Everyone has their moments, and their stressed out time with kids, but all in all at the end of they day, the kids know they are loved and everyone is happy.

Crazy dog

So for those of you who don't know, we have 2 dogs. Oreo and Dakota. Oreo used to be 2nd in command (we've had her since Feb.2007) when we had Princess, who passed away after having a stroke in Dec.2008. So thinking that Oreo needed a companion, we searched and found a free playmate for her on CL in Feb.2009. She was a lab/shepard mix. Well it's been almost a year and a half that we've had her, and I'm at about my wits end. For those of you who know, I've always been a real animal lover. I worked at a vet clinic from age 14-18, and then worked at PetSmart for a few summers during college. I've loved my dogs I grew up with and babied them. I loved Dakota for the first 6 months or so we had her, she was quiet and shy and needed love. She was sweet and snuggily. Well, all that changed a long time ago. She's still sweet, and is great with the kids, not agressive at all. But she has been getting on my last nerve lately. She has the appetite of a horse, she has the bark of a large german shepard. But it's the barking thing that is driving me crazy. She barks at 6am right outside our bedroom window, and then almost on a daily basis, she gets a stupid squirrel stuck in the tree and barks at it all day. Being spanked with a shoe doesn't even phase her anymore, and she's even had some water dumped on her. But then the next day, it's like groundhog day all over again. I know, you're saying well why don't we take her to training classes. She's good on basic behaviors, it's the barking issue. And did I mention when we first had her she destroyed our backyard digging up everything that I had planted! I don't even feel like it's worth the $35 dollars for a bark collar.

So it's come to the point that I am seriously thinking of taking her with us this 4th of July weekend and giving her to my parents at the farm. They take in dogs from friends, and have even taken a dog from us before that didn't work out before we had Oreo. They go through so many dogs out in the country. Some will wander off, others have gotten taken by people driving by. One even was just re-united with it's owner. And some have "bought the farm" due to whatever circumstances, sickness, old age etc. My parents treat the dogs like royalty. Giving them large amounts of food to eat, and 160 acres to roam around on. Who wouldn't like that life? I'm thinking that Dakota sure wouldn't mind. She's made my great grandma afraid of her, because she's a relentless jumper, and she just doesn't mind. Oreo, who is a border collie, is a smart, bright, intelligent dog, and trained easily, even though she didn't have formal training per say. Dakota chases her around and nips at her backside and roams around the perimeter of the yard eating bugs. She's a shepard/chow/lab/terrier mix of craziness, and I have really had enough. I feel no affection, or attention whatsoever to her. I have never felt like this to a dog that I've owned in my life, and I honestly love dogs. And it's like at this point I don't even care what happens to her. I think it's just time for us to be a one-dog family for a while.

If these walls....

I'm reading a great book right now that I picked up from Turnstyles for $1, and I'm loving it. It has been too long since I've taken the time to read, and especially a good read. The book is called, "If these walls had ears: The biography of a house." He details the previous 7 families who lived in his house, and how their lives all changed through the eras and how it affected their sense of home etc. In the process, it has gotten me thinking again about my old 123 yr old farmhouse and all the history these walls hold.

About 7 years ago, when I was back finishing up my degree, I did an Independent Study on Historic Preservation, and it mainly detailed researching my house and documenting all the history involved in it.

In the summarized version, this is the story of our house.....

*In 1854, G. Daugherty, a Shawnee Indian, purchased a large parcel of land from the US Government as part of their land giveaway.

*In 1874, 40 acres of that land was purchased by Mr. Brickley, and he owned those 40 acres until 1887, when he sold them to his son in law, Dr. Bower.

*Dr. Bower was the owner that built the house in 1887 on the 40 acres of land.

*In 1899, he sold 18 acres to his neighbor to the East.

*So he was left with 22 acres from 1899-1906, when he sold off 6 acres in 1906 that was platted as our subdivision.

*Owner #2- 1909-1910 purchased for $250, and sold it for $700.
*Owner #3 - 1910-1914, and sold it for $1600.
*Owner #4 - 1914-1923, and sold it for $4100.
*Owner #5 - 1923-1961, and sold it for $5000.
*Owners #6,7,8- 1961-Dec.1963. At a time when you bought and sold a house, you would assume the other person's mortgage and in the process the house became repossessed and all 3 owners during that time went to court and lost to the bank. The house was auctioned off at the local courthouse in Jan. 1964, for a purchase price of $5895.95, which was a few hundred over what was owed on the loan.

*Owners #9,10 lived there from 1964-2001. And it sat empty from 2001-early 2003. So it was owned by the same family for almost 40 yrs.

*We've owned our house since May 2003.

It amazes us that out of the 123 yrs of homeowners, that almost 80 of those yrs were lived in just by 2 owners. Our neighbor behind us has lived in her house for 62 yrs, and raised her 6 kids in a 1000 sq. ft, 3 bedroom bungalow. Our neighbor to the E has lived in his house for 40+ yrs, and the neighbor across from him for 30+yrs. We're just a bunch of youngins' relatively speaking. Buying the house at 22, and 23 yrs old, we hope to grow old here together and watch our kids grow up, and have grandkids over to visit someday. Who knows maybe we can be here at least 60+ yrs. Writing that it seems like an eternity away. It's crazy to think at the end of that time that our house would be 183+ yrs old. Almost a 200 yr old house. Yikes!

So on to more info on the previous owners....

Mr.Brickley (who owned the 40 acres of land the house was built on) was born in 1812. He was a business entrepreneur, and a VIP in early town history. He along with his son in law, Dr.Bower, bought most of the town lots N of the railroad tracks in our town. There are brief accounts that the town even used to be called Brickley, in honor of him. He passed away in 1894, at the age of 82.

Dr.Bower (who had the house built in 1887) was born in 1831. He was married in 1865, and he and his wife had 6 children together (3 of whom passed away as infants). He located to our town in 1869. He was a State Senator in 1871 and 1872. He was our town's first physician and lawyer. He also was involved in a court case in 1895 that went to the State Supreme court, over an issue involving the fencing off of an alley way. I just found the hilarious. The judge dismissed the case. He passed away in 1919, at 88 yrs old.

I haven't been able to find much information on the next 3 owners.

The couple that lived here from 1923-1961, were 45, and 54 yrs old respectively when they moved in to our house. The husband was born in 1869, and the wife in 1878. They both passed away within a year of each other in 1960 (@90) and 1961 (@83). Our neighbor behind us was friends with the couple, and has given us a wealth of information on them....
She told us about how the kitchen used to have a hand pump next to the sink for the cistern water; how the house was laid out; that they canned there own food from the 1940's on, from their large garden; that they had a cherry orchard and had several cows on their 2 acres adjoining the house. They used the front parlor, as their bedroom from the entire time they lived here. That they used the well and cistern. And most importantly, that they hardly ever used the upstairs, which accounts for how well preserved it was.

The next 3 couples that lived here right in a row, were the ones I've been told that were responsible for the trashing of the house. I guess that seems to be a common thing in general that people trash a house when it's in the process of getting repossessed for whatever crazy reason. They punched holes in the plaster walls down stairs and did who knows what else. All I know is they are the reason that the downstairs lost the original trim and plaster, because it was all replaced with drywall and cheap builder grade trim when the next owners moved in. These couples also had the kitchen painted turquoise, and the trim upstairs was painted lime green and burnt orange. Totally psychadelic...

The next owners for almost 40 yrs, were the grandparents of the man who sold us our house. I don't know much about his grandparents, but have been told by all the neighbors that their son, was a painter, and when he got bored he painted, or replaced woodwork-which we have come to learn that he wasn't very good at. He's the one that is responsible for tearing down the porch on the E side of the house, and tearing out the beautiful gingerbread trim off the front porch, and replacing it with some ugly 2x4's slapped together. He's the one who poorly re-built the window seat and did a half-a job on the bathroom when it was last remodeled in the 1980's. We've just come to realize going into a project, that we'll run into something crazy un-expected because he didn't do it right the first time. This coming from my hubby the woodworker. We still keep in contact with the couple that sold us the house, since it was a fsbo. I kind of like it that way. I think it would be harder for me not knowing the past of the house, and not hearing all these fun stories about living here. They haven't been back for a few years, but are due to come over soon to see the new bathroom remodel.

It's a hard line sometimes, because you love the house, and you know that they loved the house they way it was, and that acceptance of new things. It was the same way when I went back the house I grew up in, and the owner was complaining about this and that, where I was grasping to some glimpse of how it used to be. The only thing left was the kitchen wallpaper was still the same and the cabinets. It's funny how we, or at least I, hold on to those things from the past. Of eras gone by, and how we grew up during those times. I tend to get easily attached to places- mainly being my home. I think I would have the worst time of it, if we ever had to leave, and someone came and destroyed everything we had worked so hard for. Luckily, we can't forsee that ever happening, and we happened to be lucky enough to find our dream house the first time.

Granted it has a long way to go, it's still a long ways from where I can envision it perfectly in my head. There is a back patio, with flowing landscaped walk way. A restored porch on the E side of the house, or possibly a master suite addition? Removing all the shingles, and restoring the original siding. Replacing the roof, re-painting. Tearing up the hallway for my loft/attic project. A beautiful kitchen, a playroom in the basement. A 2-car garage.The list goes on and on. For now I'm being patient, which can be hard at times with all these pictures and ideas in my head. I know it's all with time and with money. If we're going to do it, we're going to do it right, and wait till we have the funds to do it the way I am envisioning it. Until then we're enjoying our 1/2 renovated house, and can't wait for the new things we learn about it everyday.

...They say it's your birthday... Happy Birthday to ya!

Well it's so hard to believe that a year has come and gone. It seems like just yesterday I was turning 28, and that was an emotional time, which I really don't know why looking back on it.But just a time of change in my life I guess.

Today I turned 29 :) I get to do fun stuff like renew my driver's license-whoo hooo. My hubbie had to go in to work early this morning, but not before getting me some yummy chocolate longjohn donuts from QT (i'm obsessed) and leaving a hilarious b'day card on my pillow. Letting me sleep in a little bit. Took the kids to swimming lessons this morning and then went out to the local theatre to buy tickets to see Toy Story 3, tonight! We are all so excited to go see it, since the kids have been watching 1 & 2 non-stop at home lately. We had lunch at Red Robin, where I enjoyed my free b'day burger-which we split because I was still full from the donuts. Right now the kids are supposed to be resting, but I can hear mr. b running around upstairs. The kids have been in a pretty good mood most of the day, which helps. It's nice when they actually behave on my birthday. So pretty much a day of celebrating with my family, which I'm so looking forward to. It's also nice to feel all the love from my fb friends posts :) nothing like a fb birthday to lift your spirits!

Troop Beverly Hills

*written on 5/21/10*

This is the name, I've started to affectionately call G's scout troop. Don't get me wrong, she's had an amazing year there, the program is solid, she's learned a lot and the parent volunteers are amazing! I just recently thought of this name for them, after I learned that their summer camping trip would be to non other than a ritzy South Joco park-that adjoins the neighborhood golfcourse. *I have absolutely nothing against nice neighborhoods, but when planning a true camping experience for scouts, it's not my first thought of roughing it to say the very least.* So that's when I started thinking of Troop Beverly Hills. I'm sure most of you have seen the '80's movie with Shelly Long as the troop leader of the California girls who are totally clueless to most things of the real world. I grew up in GS's from K-5th grade, and had a few high maintenance girls in the group, but not a whole troop go camping next a golf course for goodness sakes. Of course I get to join in this fun and exciting day (note sarcasm here), and get to help plan the badge activities with fire safety and campfire songs. It will be interesting to see if they will get pre-packaged firewood all nice and neat, or if they will actually have to go through the "forest" and pick up kindling, and other types of wood used to make a fire. They are staying in brand new cabins with a nice bath house next door, so that's really roughing it.

I've always been a super outdoorsy girl. On our HS Mexico Missions trip, we had to sleep in 115 degree dusty tents, the outhouses were maybe a 5 minute walk and we had buckets for showers. On HS float trip, I think my freshman year, we got the worst torrential rain storm, and flooded a lot of things, including our tents, clothes and long road to the bathrooms. My friends Erin, Rachael and I were the only girls out of the whole group who roughed it in the wet tents, and could survive the weekend without hiding in the cabin with the girls who couldn't survive without their curling irons and make-up. So I've really been through the worst of it, but have never gotten to experience the fun world of joco scout camping :)

Stay tuned next month to hear how the wonderful adventure concludes.... will we survive a day on the golfcourse park??? will the girls be able to survive without texting each other all day??? will they cook true campfire food, or will it be gourmet???

*update on 6/12/10*

The girls were all excited, and we had just started working on our hiking and photography badge, and then we had a crazy storm with rain, wind, lightning and possibly a tornado warning come through shortly after camp started. Which led us to be stuck inside the clubhouse, ahem "nature center" for 5 hours. That's right I said 5 hours. I initially thought I was going to lose my mind, and possibly go a little stir crazy being inside a confined space with 30 girls and 15-20 adults? The poor park rangers were probably wishing they weren't working that day. We toughed it out, and I had hoped at times, they would just cancel the day, but no, the storm cleared and it was back outside to a hot and humid day. We went on a mile walk, got to see a flooded trail, which luckily no one got swept away in. The girls finished their badgework, made sit-upons and tie dye t-shirts and learned all about campfire safety. I was on the verge of losing my voice from my allergies/cold so got out of leading the campfire songs. The meals were great. We had tortilla wraps with fixings for lunch and roasted our own hotdogs for dinner. G had her first smores and loved them. I actually had a good time getting to know some of the moms a little better, and talk about our different backgrounds, and school choices, public vs. private etc. And it was actually very interesting. We even talked about how they liked camping roughing it in tents better than cabins. Which really took me by suprise. It was just nice to realize that my perceptions aren't always true. We finally made it home around 9pm that night after a very long 12 hrs, but we had a great time, and a time neither of us will forget.

Surreal moments

On May 18th, I had the amazing opportunity to be able to perform with a lot of my old classmates and suprise our old chorale teacher, who is retiring this year. G had an awards ceremony that night at the same time, and my dear sweet hubby, suffered though it all by himself. I know I'm such a bad parent :) So anyways, I pretty much dropped everything to be able to go and sing again with my friends. We got to rehearse at my old elementary school that I hadn't been back to in nearly 20 yrs! It was so surreal being there in the old choir room and seeing old friends.... Then the real trip began, back to my old high school, which I hadn't been back to since graduation 11 yrs ago...The anticipation of being on stage and performing again was so thrilling! It almost made me cry.

For those of you who might not know, I have always loved music-especially piano and voice since a very young age. I started taking piano when I was 5, and around the same age I would make casette tape recordings of myself reading books outloud, or singing songs. I did choir from 5th grade-all the way through high school. Our choir class was where some of the best memories were made, with friends that you get to be so close to. Singing was something that made me feel so happy and alive. This is always why I just love, love, love musicals (well most of them).

I found myself really processing the fact that it had really been 11 yrs since graduation. I don't necessarily feel that much older. But walking through the commons, and the locker area and atrium, it all seemed so surreal. A whole lifetime ago, a time of innocence, and a little ignorance and a time to be carefree. A time that I really embraced life and had fun, whether it be singing, time out with friends, shopping.... then driving home with the windows down in the cold air, blasting the music, enjoying time by myself... then home to life as a grown up.

I go through these phases, where I'll have a special event to attend, or we'll go on a weekend out, or do fun things like we used to before we had kids. We have the best time and are happy as can be, and then for me the next day, reality sets in, and sometimes in a depressing kind of way. Not that I don't love my life and my kids, because I do. But it makes me miss the way things used to be. In a way, a mourning of my old life. Doing things I was so passionate about, being a bit of a free spirit. For me it's keeping my individuality, and the things that make me feel alive, because without that, I think I'd be ever more depressed (So I've started playing the piano more, something that I love. Music is so soothing to the soul... and I've even thought about finding a chorale group to sing in again). It's been up and down for me the last almost 8 yrs that I've been a stay at home mom. Going straight from being a fairly wild college student-to newlywed-to mom all in a short period of time. Then learning the process of being a stay at home mom, and then working part time, and then going back to home, baby....and then work, and then home again. And I still have about 2+ yrs till B goes to Kindergarten. I cherish my time with him, and he starts pre-s this fall. It's just up and down with the emotions at times, by the time it's all over with it will be 10 yrs that I've stayed home. Something I told my mom that would never happen, because that's how long she stayed home with my sis and I (Of course I'm writing this on a rainy, gloomy day, and that never seems to help with my mood). I know I appreciate cherishing the time with them while they are little, because you can never get those years back. In the mean time, I'm trying to add more things back in my life that make me happy-music, piano, photgraphy, creative writing, reading. So hopefully this summer I will be my more cheerful self again :) with an equal balance of kid time/me time.

Rethinking Disney....

This is my totally random tangent of the day, so I apologize.....
So the kids have a pretty good collection of classic disney movies, ones I watched growing up and some fairly recent ones. The vast majority of the ones I have I'm totally fine with, but have found myself really questioning others lately.

Take Dumbo for example-love the movie, pretty harmless. I remember being scared by the dancing pink elephants after he drinks the "water". So watching it as an adult is so much more disturbing I have to say. I've come to the conclusion that those poor clowns must have been drinking absinthe (think Moulin Rouge movie-the green alcoholic drink with opium). And then they end up in a tree with the southern crows.

Then the one that has bugged me the most recently-Peter Pan. I absolutely loved this movie when I was little, in fact I think it was the 1st movie my parents took me to see when I was just a few yrs old. So here's my issue, Peter's chauvinist attitude towards women. First, Wendy. Telling her she talks to much, and to get on with it.... Then he has tinkerbell who loves him, and hates Wendy. Then you have the mermaids who try and "drown" Wendy and the indian princess who also has his affections. He has all these women vying for his affections but just brushes them off like they are insignificant. The boy who never grows up. And when they are singing the song about the indians, I feel ashamed watching it, because it's so not pc. I know it's all a matter of what era the movie was produced and the sentiments of the time, but it's just very interesting to see it through a different set of eyes.

Then we have Pinocchio. Another childhood favorite of mine, which the kids only watched a few times before I donated it. I do fine with the movie until P gets taken off with all the boys to the amusement park world, and they start smoking and drinking beer and then start turning into donkeys, and shipping them off in boats. I remember this as a child, but really disturbed me as an adult.

A while back, I was singing the "Zipidee doo dah" song to the kids, and thought it would be fun for them to watch the Briar Rabbit video on youtube with the tarbaby. Because I loved it as a kid. WOW! Once again, I realize it was made in a different era, but wow was it offensive. I have a new realization of what the tarbaby was.

The kids loved Sleeping Beauty as well, and I did to, but I just couldn't handle Malificent and her little demon crew running around. I've taken it away for a while, and think when they're much older it might be better, but I have just had a much more sensitive spirit lately about all these things.

I let G watch Alice in Wonderland once when she was maybe 4 or so, thinking it would be fun. But as an adult, knowing that the story is about an acid trip, also made it much more disturbing, where as she thought it was fun and games.

And they also have Snow White. A young, 16 yr old girl living with a bunch of little men. I know it's all sweet and innocent.

I usually don't go off about random tangents like kids movies, and I know that most of the little stuff goes over their heads at a certain point. I grew up watching all these movies and turned out fine. It's amazing what culture and world experience etc can influence your change in perspective from child-adult. I just feel this need to protect their little spirits and to not just assume because it's a disney movie etc. that it can be trusted. To watch it first and make sure there is nothing questionable. At our house, pretty much the kids can only watch G movies, with the exception of a few PG ones, depending on content. My mom used to freak out about 80's cartoons and movies when I was growing up, and I never understood it until the last few years. Being a mom and wanting to be protective over their little minds-which are little sponges, repeating things etc. Then it becomes an issue of what do I really want them exposed to, however innocent it may seem. I'm sure I could go into a lot more here, but those are my thoughts for now :)

3.21.10- our 8 year anniversary

"This day you will marry your friend, the one you laugh with, live for, dream with, love......."

Seavie and I made it a point when we got married, that we would try and get away every year on our wedding anniversary to have time together as a couple, time to reconnect and have time away from the kiddos. Our 1 yr anniversary we spent at a cute B&B in Liberty, and then the 2nd year at a historic hotel in Lawrence. Then from our 3rd-6th anniversaries we took the Dinner Theatre approach as a nice date night, since we were unable to get away. Last year for our 7 yr anniversary we spent an amazing weekend in Weston at the best B&B ever. We had a 3 day, kid-free weekend. Enjoyed amazing food, and wine tasting, found a new love of Irish/Rock music, and most of all had a great time as a couple. It was really hard for me to go back to reality after that point, because it was just too perfect, our time together the way it used to be.

Just last weekend we celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary. I was so excited to get away again. This time we had a kid free weekend, but took a day trip back to Weston again. I have to admit that the crazy snow that we got that day almost ruined our plans, but it ended up making it even more memorable. We practically had the whole town to ourselves, with many of the shops closed. The downtown was quiet and quaint, and just the way I remember it growing up as a child. It was so serence and peaceful, that it was too perfect to not steal a kiss walking in the snow. We enjoyed the always amazing, Beef and Guiness, at the Irish pub restaurant, yum! wine tasting, shopping, and even visited the local museum which I hadn't been to in about 20 yrs.

After that we headed back home to get ready for our evening out at the Power and Light District. We found it okay, but got more than confused when trying to find a close parking garage, so that was quite the experience. Once again, the snow made for a perfect evening. It was less crowded and the snow covered everything, making it so picture perfect and romantic.

We had made dinner reservations at The Bristol at Power and Light, and it was amazing :) Seavie actually designed all most all of the casework (woodworking) there, including the bar area, greeter desk, paneling, soffits etc. I had made a reservation there, one because it's yummy and we hadn't been since my 21st b'day, and two, because I knew it would mean a lot for him to be able to see something he designed in person. He was more than thrilled! They gave us a complimentary dessert since it was our anniversary,and we got the carrot cake, and I just have to say that "it is to die for." It was so amazing!

We had about an hour or so of extra time till we had to go hear our favorite Irish Rock band play, so we headed over to the Live at Power and Light area, which is like an open air atrium space between all the bars there. Luckily for us the K-state basketball game was on the jumbo screen tv, and so we got to cheer them on to their victory!!!Just relaxing on the Heated Patio area watching the snow fall. We also got lots of fun people watching time in, which is always a great pastime, especially when it involves young intoxicated people. It made me wonder what people thought of me in my crazy college days :)

So we headed to Raglan Road to hear Flannigan's Right Hook perform. We got seated next to the funniest kids, well not kids, but we thought for sure they were all 21, but they ended up celebrating this girls 25th b'day. It was quite amusing to say the least! The band was great, and we got to hear all of our favorites from last year. I guess we're groupies now of sorts :) We stayed there until about midnight, way past our bedtime at the ripe old age of almost 30 and 29.

It was so nice to wake up the next morning to silence, and no arguing and yelling of the kiddos fighing over toys or tv, or wanting to eat. Just getting to sleep in, in silence was perfect. I made my hubby his favorite, biscuits and gravy, and he was thrilled. We just hung out at home for the day, and watched Nascar (which I'm actually a huge fan of) and enjoyed the peace and quiet in our time together.

That evening it was back to reality with kids in tow, bedtime routines and regular meals. It was so nice to get away and have that time together. To remember life pre-kids and to cherish those moments together that we don't get so often. To have fun and splurge a little and not have to worry about bills and the mortgage etc. To have the time to reconnect as a couple and celebrate 8 wonderful years of marriage! Here's to the best year of our marriage yet :)

Home Sweet Home

It was 3 years ago today, that we decided to step out in faith and leave the church home that I had grown up in since 3rd grade. It was a decision that had been 6 months in the making.

It was through a long series of events, that we felt it was time to make a move away from the place that we had so dearly loved.

I left behind 17 yrs of memories to make a fresh start and to go where God was calling us. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. To say goodbye to friends and the place you called home. To break away from my husbands family and finally be on our own.

It is the best thing that has happened to us in the almost 8 yrs we've been married. We met there in HS youth group and started dating when we were 16 going on 17, and 17 going on 18.

We came to the point in our adult life that we needed to be independent and on our own and have a fresh start to things. That's when we found CRCC :)

I'll never forget the first time I went up there during the week to find out more info about the church. I met Brian and Dave, but had absolutely no idea that they were pastor/ and music pastor. Just talking to them getting to know them, and then Brian says, "I'll see you next week at church." And I'm thinking that he's just someone who goes to church there. I was shocked

(in a good way) when I saw he was the pastor, and also glad I didn't say anything stupid a few days before. At first when they mentioned that church was in the gym, I was taken back by it. Thinking, well that's an interesting place for church-coming from just leaving a super traditional Evangelical Covenant church. Up to that point, I had never been to such an impactful worship service at a church- besides CHIC '97 and Christian Challenge in college. Music moves my soul in ways that nothing else can, and to me that was a huge thing. I loved that everyone was so friendly- (people at our old church were starting to be a little snotty). I love that the word of God is preached with such a passion. Most of all I love the church's vision for Missions. I've always loved doing Missions work, and it was very important to go to a church that was rooted in Missions and especially community outreach. I loved the small church feel, coming from a church that had 1200 people or so. Most of all I loved that God was calling us here and made us feel at home here.

God has been working on my heart in so many ways during the last 3 years. The biggest one, was being re-baptised. I was baptised by sprinkling at 9 yrs old, and had accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 3 yrs old. That was one of the things I fought against the most, was the thought of being baptised again. I had never felt the inclination to do that at my old church in the slightest bit. I even talked to Brian about it, but just kept fighting it. Finally I felt the Holy Spirit convicting me that it was something that I needed to do. My life went through some crazy times from the time I was 9-25. I had struggled with drinking heavily in college, and going a bit wild, and then with my suprise "grace" . Alot had happened since I first accepted Christ. I was baptised on Dec.23,2007, and I have never felt such overwhelming peace as I have that day. I remember coming home and laying down and it felt like I was physically surrounded in peace and contentment and just crying because this must be what it will be like in heaven some day. Peace and no sorrows.

The Holy Spirit was at work on my heart, and for the first year or so that we went there, it seemed like I would cry or be touched by how moving the service was. My heart ached for God.

It was also the first time I truly saw my husband really happy to go to church. His personality fits so well with that of our leadership team, and even hearing him sing, was music to my ears!

God has blessed me with some amazing friends, and I am so very glad that I know them, that my life wouldn't be complete without them :) God has even opened my eyes up to what life is like with bigger families-our old church had maybe 2 kids each, where here is 3-5, and to more people who homeschool. My perspectives have been changed for the better. Part of me wishes we hadn't made the choice to not have any more kids right after Braden was born, and before we could see how awesome big families are, and the fun dynamics between siblings. I am thankful for all of our friends we've met through our 2 different small groups-sharing in joys and struggles together. Before we came to crcc, we had honestly never met so many people that we could relate to at church. Everyone was so down to earth, and real. It was extremely hard for us to relate to most people our age at our old church, they had different outlooks on life (and there was a big problem with them being too clicquey(sp?). I was glad to see that people at our church leadership lived modestly just like everyone else.

God has worked on my heart the last 3 years, moving me to be more outgoing and to speak up for those things that I feel passionate about. I was thrilled that our church supported the Walk for Life the last 2 yrs, because my old church didn't and that really hurt! My passion is for helping young women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. I am so glad that I have so many friends at church who are supportive of this as well :)

I am so thankful for my friends from crcc that I've had the opportunity to share my life with. Thank you for being real, and honest and steadfast!

Mark 8:36

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?"

As a Christ Follower, what do you think is so important
(that society deems socially acceptable)

that you are willing to sacrifice your values

and ultimately your soul for?
Right now I am shaken at the thought of it....

The following is an exchange of words between myself and an acquaintance (I would not call her a friend) from my old church-someone who I was in Sunday School class with for several years, went to her baby shower, brought her meals after she had her 2 sons. She was superficially nice, but never sincere, and once told me that only poor people shop at Target.

She is early-mid 30's, married, has 2 young sons, was a corporate career woman, and her husband is a Dr.- I believe in Perinatology or Maternal and Fetal Medicine.

This all began, when I saw that we had mutual friends from church, and clicked on her link to see what was going on in her life. I saw that she was a fan of G.Tiller and of Marriage Equality (for LGBT marriages), so I sent her a note to see what she meant by that.

She replied, stating "We are against anyone being murdered for their beliefs."

This was puzzling to me, so I sent her a reply....

"As a Christian, yes, murder is wrong. He was not a martyr by any means and think of all the thousands and thousands of babies that lost their lives. As a Christian we should fight for the lives of the unborn and for their voice! We should fight for marriage only between a man and a woman! Because that's the way God created us. We shouldn't sacrifice our beliefs to become politically correct, or to what society deems acceptable. It just really suprised me that was something you supported, as someone who we used to go to church with, and as someone who is a mother of 2 small children."

How she replied, shocked me to my core.....

"Megan,I'm not going to get into a discussion about these issues w/ you because we fundamentally disagree. Neil, in his practice, routinely has to counsel women about termination--fetuses w/out brains, spinal cords, etc. That's part of his job description. Some crazy wacko might take it upon themselves to shoot my husband. Please do not contact me again."

--- ---------------------- - -----------------------------------------------------

I am shocked beyond words, and deeply saddened at the same time. Granted this is from someone I wouldn't necessarily call a friend, but non the less someone that I was in Sunday School with for a few years, worshipped with, prayed with, celebrated with at the birth of her sons. Someone who I thought had the same beliefs I did.

(Let me just say a disclaimer here that I am not judging or condemning anyone who has ever had an abortion, or considered one. On this subject, I have never been one to judge-because I know it's up to God to work on the individuals heart in his time- and for the healing process to take place)

I have personally known 2 brave women who went through such heartache to continue their pregnancies. The first was a woman at my old church. The first time she got pregnant, her body developed breast cancer, and she was at risk. She decided that she was having the baby, and would cope with the effects of dealing with breast cancer. So several years later, she got pregnant again, and the same thing happened. Her daughter Paige was born, and by the time she was not even 2 yrs old, her mom had lost her fight with breast cancer, and went home to be with the Lord.

The second woman, was actually my husband's cousin's wife. She had already had 2 healthy children without complications, and when she found out she was expecting baby #3, they found that the baby didn’t have a brain and had other deformities. They chose to carry the baby as far as God would have them. It did die and she carried it for another month then delivered it-never even getting to see him, because her husband thought it would crush her. They chose not to have a doctor take it.They were very strong Southern Baptist, and abortion was out of the question for them. I think that she was extremely brave to do what she did-knowing that her baby wouldn't live very long, but still chosing to give it life. She went on to have another pregnancy, with a very healthy baby boy, who is now 3 yrs old.

So when she told me what her husband did for a living, it just shocked me. Is it worth the prestige and achievement in that field of medicine, to sacrifice your beliefs and counsel women for that, when you have small children of your own? Do they not believe that life is sacred, and God created them? At what point do you throw your values out the window?

Another upsetting thing is that she has at least 30 friends I know of from our old church that know of her support for these groups, and I'm pretty sure that non of them have decided to take a stand with her on this subject. Isn't it our jobs as Christians to hold each other accountable on the ways of the Lord, and the teachings of the Bible? Especially on the very fundamental things of life itself and marriage. Have they become so politically correct, or afraid to go against what society thinks is popular, that they fail to take a stand for what they believe in?

I have never felt the battle of spiritual warfare more than I have with these 2 subjects. Even within the Christian community. It has been eye opening to say the least.