A battle for lives

So as most of you know, hubs and I finished up our foster care training in March. 12 weeks of classes to prepare for this new reality. We fixed our staircase in May and had our license from the state in June. We received several calls in fact before we even knew our license was approved. So the day when our dreams met reality... June 20th. Rewind just a few weeks to me being stuck down with this freak illness- cough, chest pain, then I lost my voice, didn't know if I had bronchitis or pnemonia or the flu, but I felt horrible and it changed and altered every week for 3 weeks with different symptoms. Something I've never experienced before. So at the point the kids came to stay with us, I was past the I'm knocked out on the couch with 0 energy b/c I can't move a muscle in my body, to the I've lost my voice and I don't usually sound like this phase. Which was were I was at the day the kids first came to stay with us. Then 2 days later, I was home in the late afternoon, by myself (hubs and kids went to the pool), getting ready for dinner, and the power in our house just shut off. No warning, just off, and I was in darkness. By this point I was pissed off. Kicking things, screaming, cursing at s@tan for needing to end this spiritual warfare attack on my life. You see, none of my other neighbors directly next to us, or behind us lost power. No electrical breaker on our fuse panel was tripped. Nothing. Just our house. I called out s@tan and said you can not have these kids, they belong to God. You are not in control of mine or their lives. I said I'm done with this. You do not win. I felt like Job being attacked. Finally turned the power back on by resetting the main panel breaker, and all was fine. But then the saga continues... every time that week I tried reaching out to my friends from mapp class to talk about foster care, my computer would freeze up and refuse to work. But if I was talking about non-foster care things, the computer was fine. A friend of mine had a similar attack except when she got her first placement she went into a heavy depression and said she felt under attack constantly from different directions. So that Sunday a week after all of that, my pastor spoke that morning about Spiritual Warfare, something I don't think they've ever preached about as long as we've been there (6.5 years). I told his this was just un-canny and told him all the ways I'd been under attack the last week. I'm sure some of you are thinking, sure sure Megan. But I'm here to tell you again that Spiritual warfare is real and alive in our world. (If you haven't read "This Present Darkness" and "Piercing the Darkness" by Frank Peretti (a Christian author) I highly recommend it. Just don't read before bedtime b/c it's scary stuff.) 

So what may have brought all this one you may ask? Well the kids actually. Within those first few days they told me the massive amounts of scary/horror movies/stories that they've seen/heard etc and how they had nightmares of spirits etc. It had a "hold" on their life. Poor kiddos were terrified. I got the honor of teaching little guy how to pray, and tell him about God, and how he protects us and keeps us safe. That when we're afraid pray to him and he will hear us and answer our call. Little guy said his bad dreams stopped the first night he was with us after praying for the first time. I believe him. The other wordly realm is NOT something to be messed with. Beyond the spiritual darkness that had a hold of them, we had the honor of being able to take them to VBS and Church where they became on fire for Jesus. Little by little the light was overtaking the darkness that had consumed them. Attitudes were changing, behaviors were turning around. Little victories made in the full scale battle for their spiritual lives. Those things made a big difference. Girlie Girl had a love and passion to sing vbs and church songs and read her devotional book every night. I wish I could say all the rest went away, but it would pop up here and there, and their old fears would close in on them at times. That old sin nature kept coming up and wanted to be heard. The kids felt safe under the boundaries of no, you will never have to watch anything scary on our tv, or movies, or be exposed to different things that kids should never have to see. But those things were buried in their minds. (So on a side note I'll say again, and this is from my personal experience as a child- be careful what your kids minds become full of- there is truly a battle out there for kids and adults minds and dedications. I most recently made this correlation to clients that I've seen over the years exposed to so much of this as a child, that they have been sucked into this great darkness that rules their lives that they can't escape from, and so much fear there). Little guys darkness in his mind was ultimately too great for him to escape from. He says, "I love God and I love Jesus." And he prays every night and at nap time. But that hold on his life has a death grip and doesn't want to let go. He will have a battle for the rest of his life, and I pray that God will free him from it. He is the sweetest thing, but he needs the love and power of Jesus to free him ultimately. My prayer for him is that he will overcome the darkness and live in the light of Jesus that he is the ultimate healer. 

So fast forward to 4 days before the kids left in September... I'm now out of the blue getting horrible eye strain and the worlds worst migraine headache that no medicine even phases. This lasts on and off for a week and a half with piercing eye pain, it felt like my eyes were being stabbed the pain was so bad. But the pain was only when I was at aapc. That is where it was brought on. I went to the eye Dr.-everything is healthy, fine, no explanations. Mild astigmatism, but that's been there for years without problems. So the moment of the onset, I again feel, I'm under this direct attack and I want it to go away. It was so bad I could hardly function. I couldn't help but put the events together of the sickness I had before the kids got here, and then right as they were here their last week. That was NOT a coincidence. Did the kids make me sick? No. But I was without a doubt under one of the worst spiritual warfare attacks of my life. They've been gone one month now, and I've been feeling good (in health), and at church we're starting a new message series on the life of Job, and what happens when it all goes away. Coincidence? I think not. Because we plan to start back with a new placement right after Nov.1st. Which is just a week away. I know the battle is coming again, and I'm ready for the attack. I refuse to be broken in health or in spirit or mind. It takes a lot for me to break and sometimes it feels like the world is falling down on me, but I will never ever blame God. Throughout the 3 months that the kids were with us, I never felt more dependent on God. He was my strength when I couldn't hardly stand, he was my protector. Sometimes I'd be emotionally numb, unable to process; sometimes I'd be an emotional wreck, sometimes I'd be a fire ball and say whatever I felt like, but God was with me through it all. I knew he still loved me through all the trials and tribulations and me wanting to give up and be done. Yes, sometimes I wanted to give up and give in and stay depressed, but God got me through it all and was my source of strength. 

A chapter closed

As you all may know, hubs and I became first time foster parents on 6-20 (more on that later). At that point, I was working still working at the hospital Su/T/Th evenings from 9pm-1am, and my day job on Th/Fri/Sat, balancing 4 kids from 2, and my life was crazy overwhelming with way too many things to manage. So in Mid July, after much prayer and thought, and many emotional breakdowns, I felt it time for me to resign from working at the hospital. When my boss called me to tell me my co-worker was leaving (which I knew was coming- since she's moving out of state and getting married), I broke down crying on her and told her I couldn't do this anymore and sorry for the bad timing, but btw, I'm leaving too. She was shocked to say the least, but understanding. I told her that I could stay until they found my replacement, but no later than the end of August I had to be officially done. Initially it was a horrible idea, to say you're going to leave and then be stuck there for 6 more weeks. The first few weeks I was just stick a fork in me, I'm done. I had hardly any motivation to do anything and walked around in a fog. Then I got over myself and started telling my friends on different floors goodbye. People were honestly and truly suprised and some even said they were devastated. I was NOT expecting that. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was now very sad to be leaving, questioning is this really what I need to do. I enjoyed the work, and had built at least a dozen solid friendships/connections with my Nurse friends in different departments. Did I really matter that much? It was a battle of my heart and my mind. My mind said this is the logical thing to do, my heart said stay. My heart also yearned to be home with my family and ultimately that won all. 

When I said my final goodbyes it was SO hard to walk out of the building, a place that had been part of my life for almost 2 years, a place where I had 17 years previously spent another 2 years as a teen volunteer, a place where I had both of my babies, a place so near and dear to my heart. I am thankful for my new friendships, for all the beautiful sunsets and rainstorms I got to see walking in to work, I am thankful that this job gave me the opportunity to do things financially that we wouldn't have been able to otherwise, I am thankful that it brought out my persistant and determined attitude. My boss, the sweetest woman, gave me THE biggest bear hug I have ever had in my life. no joke. And was crying when I left. She couldn't thank me enough for all of my hard work. I'm sure you're all thinking sure, sure, it's just a job, and it's just medical records, but let me tell you this, I really and truly made a difference there, as trite as that may seem. I felt horrible leaving a place that was such an influential part of my life. So much so that I was at first depressed leaving and found myself missing it, but as time when by, I thought wow, this is really really nice to have all this extra time at home with my family. Hubs was so happy (which he finally admitted that first week) to have me back home. It's been 2 months now since I left, and my life in that respect is all back to normal. I'm back to normal sleep schedules, and even find myself feeling old, and going to bed by 10pm or earlier b/c I've missed out on SO much sleep the last 2 years from work. I'm in a more balanced mood and give me my all to my family and my other job, my heart and passion.

So the timing of all this works in God's most amazing ways... I gave my notice to leave in mid July, little did I know that at my other job, my dear friend, who was Director of Client Services had just been chosen to become the new Executive Director. It was announced at the end of July when I was on vacation. She called me to let me know, and I was thrilled for her. You see when they announced they were searching again maybe 6-8 months ago, my very first thought was, how cool would that be if she got the ED job, and I could have her job as DCS. So nothing official for me yet, but as of the last 2 months, I've been working 20-30 hrs a week pretty much overseeing the OP office on a PT basis. They are going to officially open the other position in January. They know my heart is there, and I can do nothing but hope and pray that this was in God's plan for me the whole time, my dream job. I just had to patiently wait and give up control of my life and what I thought was right for me, but all along God knew this is what I was meant to do.

And back to that house across the street that I'm obsessed with. Yeah... it's officially up for sale via the bank as of a few weeks ago (which just so happened to coincide with our foster kiddos leaving). Not on the market yet, but almost there. Those first few days it just killed me. Dreaming of it all. We could totally afford it, but couldn't realistically buy that one and still own this one without selling it first. But we could if I had this FT job as DCS. That's the kicker. So for now, I'm being patient as patient can be, and asking God if this is all in his plan, these major life events blurring into each other, and one door closing and the next door opening. Looking forward to see his plan in all of this-even if it means contentment in where we currently are.

When dreams met reality

June 20th. The day our worlds were rocked. Our first placements a sister/brother sib set ages 10 and 5. Very sweet kids. But so scared, hungry and afraid. I will say that nothing you have ever read in a book, or take in a class, or being a parent yourself will quite ever prepare you for the world of foster parenting. It is an intense journey, a daily battle, a self-sacrificing, earth shattering experience. My job the last almost 9 years as a peer crisis counselor has done worlds to help lessen the shock of this reality check to the rest of our family. The reality is that most people don't have perfect lives and perfect families. There is some level of dysfunction in every family, relationship etc. 

where you are constantly go go go, and it's not about you, it's all about the kids and getting them better. It's about restoring their hope in humanity and being a good role model as a parent.

The New Year Brings... New Beginnings

So I've been more than a little out of touch with keeping up with my blog, which I had just 9 posts last year- yikes!, when I had more than enough things to write about. A lot has happened since I last wrote in August about my kids going back to school. Mr.B turned 6 in September, and Miss G turned 10 in October. Hard to believe my kids are growing up so fast. It only really took me about 3 months to adjust to the reality of my new normal every day. The end of November marked the one year anniversary of when my Grandma Billie had passed away... still miss her everyday. My sister had her first baby right before Christmas, and so there is a new baby to love in the family. In regards to the car accident of Sept.2011, one passenger has settled, but the driver and other passenger are still not resolved, but they are in negotiations. Stay tuned to the details after it's all said and done. Trust me- it's been a beyond crazy story. I'm now working 18 hrs a week at aapc, and 12 at the hospital for a total of 30 hours a week, and being a stay at home mom all in one. 

The biggest change for 2013 will completely rock our world in more ways than one... we're in the process of becoming Foster Parents. Tonight is our 8th out of 10 classes of the 30 hour required state training. Then we'll have a home study done by this spring and receive our license. Lots and lots of paperwork that is for sure.
I just finished reading an amazing book, which I highly recommend called, "The Foster Parenting Toolbox," by Kim Phagan- Hansel. It is mainly all first hand accounts of stories from foster parents, former and current foster youth. I have another one called, "They're all my Children: Foster Mothering in America," by Danielle Wozniak, which I just finished up reading as well. It's more from an Anthropology/Sociology point of view. A little outdated from mid-late 90's, but very relevant information still. I've also read, "A Guidebook for raising Foster Children," by Susan McNair Blatt, which has good basic info. They're all things I've found from our local library. God has put this call on my heart to Foster over the last 2-3 years, and on Seavie's heart just since last fall. We've seen so many hurting children in our surrounding community, that it's just not possible for us to turn away to God's calling on our lives. I know I'm eating my words of sorts, because I can remember writing a post several years ago, getting irritated by some things I'd seen in our neighborhood, and then upset with a friend at church for saying maybe that's where our mission field was, and I completely shut that out. How God works in my heart makes me laugh sometimes- especially when things like this come full circle. A few years ago, I wanted to help, but I kept coming up with excuses- we don't have enough money, or a big enough house (1300 sq.ft), or a big enough car. I wanted this new found freedom from having my kids in school all day. I wanted to do things for me (basically I was being selfish), and now that I've had all that the last 7 months of freedom of sorts, I really miss my kids and the day to day with when they were little. God has put a calling on my heart of Motherhood that is stronger than any other call that is in my life right now (being a working mom). There are so many things that are more important than the trivial things that we as a society love and obsess with in life- facebook, meaningless blog posts with current trends, foods, politics etc., cliques. None of that matters when there are real issues in this world that need addressing. I am willing to sacrifice all those comforts of my ideal world if it means helping out kids less fortunate. My kids will learn to share their room with another child, we'll get used to sharing only 1.5 bathrooms for potentially a 6 person household. We will continue to live simply and love fully. 

Yes, there may be days where I yearn for more space (like a few weeks ago when I found out the old house down our street would be coming up for sale soon- 4 bedroom, 2 bath, fireplace, potentially hardwoods, 2 car garage, 1 acre yard, 2000 sq feet, plus a huge basement with 9' ceilings, and solid stone foundation that is 1200 sq ft by itself- all for around $140K. I will admit that made it SO hard. One because I'm completely obsessed with old houses, and two because I need to be content with what God has given us). We will work with what he's given us- our attic space, and basement spaces will be finished sooner than later, and that will add more usable square footage, making our house closer to 1664 sq.ft. Not that any of that matters, and it's not a comparison. We're going on 10 years in our house, and it works for us. We only keep what we need, and donate/sell the rest so we don't have to store it. Less clutter=happier me, and less to store and put away. Sorry for my random segment there...

Right now I'm just looking forward to what the next few months bring, our first placement(s), possibly job adjustments. Trusting that God has just the right kids for our home when they are in need of care. We have 6 chairs again at our kitchen table, and it just feels right. Not so empty. Spring break week will be filled with cleaning at my house. Getting furniture in the kids rooms moved around, and cleaning out and clearing out space for the new potential foster child(ren). Our ages are under 10 for a girl, and under 6 for a boy. Preferably a sibling pair- so they have each other, and our own kids.The kids are getting excited- Miss G wants little kids, and Mr.B wants kids his own age, so we shall see. Thanks for following along on our family's journey. It's been a long time coming. 

New Beginnings

Just 2 weeks ago my little man started All-Day Kindergarten (he'll be 6 in a few weeks). It was a moment that I had been waiting for for the last few years. He got the teacher that we really wanted him to have, and he has 2 very good friends in his class that he already knew from Church and his babysitter's. His teacher is amazing and so sweet. She's been teaching for 28 years, and has such a creative classroom. So the first day of school...I walked him inside and we waited in line to go to class, followed by the herd of other parents who also wanted to take pictures of their kiddos. Mr.B was all set, gave me a hug, and waved goodbye. No tears from him. No tears from me. A little surreal. The next day was harder. I felt empty inside, and really missed him. After a few days, I was good, but still that emptiness lingers a little bit. It's the first time in almost 10 years that I'm in a kid-free house all day by myself. No sweet babies to snuggle with. That made me pretty sad. Thank goodness for my sweet baby nephews though :) So I'll admit that I struggled with, now what is my purpose? No kiddos to take care of all day, and I only work part time Friday-Sunday 24 hrs total. These are feeling that I honestly never thought I'd experience, from the sheer fact that it was like my "freedom" when the last one went to school. I think it makes it a little different that I started working last year, and it didn't coincide with him starting school, and so the two things aren't correlated, so I feel differently. 

 In the last 2 weeks, I've more than caught up on my sleep; I've read 3 great books in the last month or so- Wuthering Heights, Radical- by David Platt, Crazy Love- by Francis Chan, and now am reading Tess of the D'Urbervilles (which is an amazing story and video on BBC from a few years ago). I've been reading Psalms, and making it a goal to read my bible more. Something that I admit I don't do enough. I've also been thinking about my future hopes and goals. I already have my Bachelor's of Science from KSU, but I really want to go back to get my RN,BSN within the next 5 years, and work as a nurse. It's something that I wanted to do 15 years ago, but my parents wouldn't let me go to because the Nursing School was were hubs went to college. So that's my goal. To get to that goal, I'm trying to switch jobs at the hospital and work as a Unit Secretary to get more experience and also earn more $ to pay off bills and then save for school. I'm really hoping it will work out. Not that I don't love Med.Records, but it's definitely not my career aspiration. I've also put a lot of energy into getting our house all orderly. Including soaking and scraping the kitchen floors so they can be restored to their former glory. After the kitchen, hubs will have to hold me back from gutting the staircase hallway and attic space :) Now I just need extra $ to fund my renovation projects. I've been able to go out thrifting more often, which is so nice to do by myself- saves me a huge headache. I'm currently addicted to Savers and Salvation Army, and pretty much over Turnstyles, since they have really nothing anymore. So back to the kiddos...

Miss G started 4th Grade, and has a great teacher. She's been teaching for 32 years. She used to teach gifted classes, so she said she really likes to challenge the kids, which is just what Miss G needs. She also has this ginormous reading area with bean bag chairs in the classroom that is amazing. So hard to believe that my baby is just a few years away from middle school. yikes. She'll be doing Jazz level 2 this year, and awana's (Mr.B will be doing awana's as well). Almost one month til the big 1-0 for Miss G. Luckily for her, she has a no school day that day, so we're planning on an awesome day of celebrating with just her and I. Getting the ears pierced, window shopping at Justice and American Girl, lunch and a movie- probably Diary of a Wimpy Kid. She is so incredibly excited. 

So I'm excited to start this new phase of life with 2 school age kids. Even though I don't feel old enough for that to be possible. No more pre-school years. Which Braden admitted that he missed, but also told me last week, " I like Kindergarten more than I like being at home with you." ouch. But then he quickly explained that part of that was due to the fact that he doesn't have to take a nap/rest time at school, and he gets 2 recesses. This morning he told me "Mommy you're so beautiful, and I love you so much.I think you should be a princess!" He still loves me, so I'm good. He's growing up fast. The cliche' is true, so hold them tight and enjoy those crazy moments when you're home with the little ones. It will be past in a blink of the eye. 

When Mean Girls grow up to be Mean Mommies

Lindsay,Tiffany, Evelyn, Emily, Rebecca- the mean girls from my life growing up- from Elementary School through High School. Superficially beautiful, but with cruel, piercing eyes and smiles. So horrible, you can't even stand to be in the same room with them. 
I was so glad to escape all the superficiality of it all when I graduated from High School. 
The cliques, the popular people. Not that I was ever a social outcast or unpopular by any means, but I also couldn't stand the "popular" people that I had grown up with since elementary school. They left out people that I considered some of my greatest friends, and I couldn't stand for that. I've always been fiercly independent from a very young age- also very stubborn and strong willed. I've never felt like I've had to be with people all the time to boost my self-esteem, or to make up for loneliness. I was not, and still am not a "p.c" person, and am not a "go with the flow" person as well. Meaning I never have, or will do something just because everyone else is doing it, or it's popular. I can't stand the cliques and the "perfectness" of perky smiles, of fake people. As Robin from HIMYM would say, "All I can give you is a fake smile, and dead eyes." That about sums me up when you put me in a room with fake people. I don't like having to pretend, I'd rather rip my hair out honestly.


So all these musings came from after I was watching "Mean Girls" on tv the other day, it hit me all of a sudden that this is no different than what goes on with "Mean Moms." What happens when the "Mean Girls" grow up? Take the popular, exclusive,superficial, sometimes super type A, controlling, perfectionists, and turn it into motherhood and "Mean Moms" are created. How is all that new energy channeled? Into their kids lives- making sure they're perfectly dressed and only are friends with the popular kids or their friends kids. Take mommy groups for example. Which I've always thought I wanted to be involved in, but when I was involved, I was absolutely miserable. I did MOPS for several years at my old church and then 1 year at our current church. The absolute worst was when I was at my old church, and I was stuck at a table all year with super type A women- I mean... intense. It was all I could do to not scream every time I had to go to a meeting. It was a rough year. So after 1 year of MOPS at my new group, I called it done. I never was interested in mommy playdate groups- just for the sheer idea of being surrounded by moms that were so intense in personality and then all the differences of parenting styles- it was overwhelming to even think about. There has only been a brief few years, out of the last 10 years, that I've been in the same cycle of life as my friends who are also mom's. I had my daughter at 21, when most of my friends weren't married yet, and years away from kids. So I was always the young mom. Then when I had my son, it was right around the time that other friends were having kids, and for those baby/toddler years we could all relate. But having a baby didn't "buy" me any popularity either. It didn't make me get special attention from those who wouldn't care regardless. Which is not why I had another child, just for popularity sake.Now that he's off to Kindergarten this fall, we're way passed the mommy groups and group playdates. But I'm honestly not sad about it. It was never for me.


But now that I'm passed it, I still feel like the "jaded mom" sometimes. I just want to be around real, genuine, down to earth people. I don't want to be around fake people that always put on a smiley face, if deep down they're miserable, or trying to make up for an insecurity that's masked by being super outgoing. I want to experience real life, real struggles and not having everything sugar coated. Which brings me back to the "Mean Moms." Why do women always have to pretend, and act like something they're not. Maybe some people really thrive on the cliqueness, and the exclusivity of motherhood. They're so focused on outward appearance and popularity that they forget people who truly matter. Try and break into the circle, and it will never happen. Why do people want to be in the circle, even if they truly don't want to be. I don't want to be in the circle, but I don't want to feel like I'm invisible. If it means invisible, versus miserable, I'll take that instead. Mean moms need a serious dose of reality- if only they could be humble and not so superficial. Judging other moms because they don't live up to their standard of friendship or exclusivity.


I think about how many people in my life might have been the "Mean Girl" in high school or college, and now they have turned into this "Mean Mom." I know some, how about you?
(and no, I'll never mention who I think they are)


I'm planning on reading the book, "Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads" by the author of Mean Girls. It's hits the topic right on the head. I'll share what I've learned after it's all read. I know this seems to be an unspoken topic among women, mom or not. I just encourage everyone to be more bold in saying how they feel and not bottle it up-like I tend to do. And just to be clear, I'm writing this post as my random musing of the day, not because I've been individually hurt by anyone. It's just been on my heart for a long time, and thought now is the time to share.

Mother's Day Weekend

 Last year we had started a new tradition of just having Mother's Day for our family- just us 4, and celebrating with our mom's the day before. Which I have to say that I love. I love my mom and mil, but it's nice to have a day just for me. It went a lot smoother this year. Sat.am I had my walk for life and my sis in law and my sweet nephews joined me for the fun. Then I headed out to lunch to meet my sis and mom for some thai food. It was a great time to spend together for a few hours. My youngest nephew turned 1 the day before, and we went to his b'day party that night. I had to go to work Sat. night :( but got off early at 1:30am to get some extra zzz's before Sunday am.


This year I think gets my vote for best Mother's Day ever. I found so much joy in the time together and the sweetness of it all.The kids were so worn out from the bday party the night before, they actually slept in until 8:30am, which meant we actually got to sleep in for the first time in forever it seems. Hubs suprised me with a sweet card, and the kids each made me a few drawings a piece and they made my heart swell, and also melt, because I treasure them so much. Hubs baked some cinnamon rolls for breakfast and we all ate together (I've decided I don't like breakfast in bed after last year-I'd rather be with my family). We hung out and talked at the table and spent some good family time. We went to 2nd service at church, and the sermon couldn't have been more timely- all about cherishing time, and the value of time over anything else- work, friends, fb, etc. (more on that later). I also didn't want to go out to eat this year (after waiting over an hour last year to get in to a restaurant and spend way too much money) I just didn't want the hassle. So hubs cooked brats on the grill, and we had fries and pop, and aldi lofthouse cookies for dessert. It was a perfectly beautiful day. Just spending time with my family. 
I also had to go in to work that night at 7:30pm, and I about cried, I didn't want to leave my perfect family day. 


So last week was my first week not having to work weekday nights, and I didn't miss it at all. Not one single bit. I was so giddy to be home with Seavie and the kiddos, that I felt like I was going to burst my heart was so happy. After 5 months of working weekday nights, I was finally home with my family (As of late, I've found myself missing them so much when I have to go to work. It makes me so sad, the time that I miss from my hubby. Even if it's just for a few hours. I love him so much that it hurts to be away from him)
I feel like compared to my other job that I love, that this one is just a job, it doesn't change the world. It pays the bills, but that's about it. My coworker has pretty much stopped talking to me (because I suggested we leave early due to nothing to work on- and everything was done) and get all legalistic on me, so that doesn't make it better. I've said it once, but I'll say it again, I just don't do well with type A people. I'm taking it one weekend at a time, just getting by. If it weren't for all my medical bills, I'd probably just leave. Hoping just to make it through the summer there. In August when B starts all day Kindergarten, I'll be working an extra day at my reg.job, and then possibly gaining an extra position there, to work maybe 30 hours a week total-days, so it will be just within the time that the kids are in school- so I won't have to worry about before or after school care. I can not wait for that day...It makes such a tremendous difference when you're working for the Lord, and taking care of your family, and that it all has eternal purpose. Everything else doesn't seem to matter besides that.


On a random note, the last 2 weeks have been much better in regards to the lingering paperwork of the car accident mess from last fall. I about had a nervous breakdown after several letters came in the mail in one weeks time. I had a great talk with my friend and lawyer at our church which helped calm my nerves, and praying that God would give me peace. I am trying my very hardest to maintain a positive attitude and not let anger consume me. I'll post more about it after it's all settled, hopefully soon. 


On a happy note, Castle and Beckett FINALLY kissed; and Ted and Victoria are back together. Those are the tv season finale moments that make me so incredibly happy :)


That sums up my life lately. 

Living Room Remodel- Budget Reveal

Everything in our Living Room Remodel 

was purchased used from craigslist or a thrift store. 

This is a true design on a budget. 

Before-Vintage Magnavox Stereo Cabinet- $10 craigslist

After- Sanded, primed and painted Heirloom White, gray paint on detailing, quatrefoil metal sides, original hardware spray painted bronze. 2 front panels removed to make way for stereo equipment. 2 other panels converted into functional drawers. Inside was gutted and re-framed. About $80 in lumber materials, $30 pressed metal, $30 primer/paint. Total estimated cost: $140.00 

Before- Oak Side Table with wooden appliques-$10 Savers

After- Sanded, primer and painted Heirloom White with gray glazing on detailing. Original hardware repainted from brass to bronze. Total estimated cost $15 in spray paint.

Before- Vintage Amber Glass lamp with Brass
$5 craigslist

After- All metal painted bronze, light diffuser removed,
and long rod taken off. No cost- already had the paint.

Before- Picture Frames. All purchased from Turnstyles thrift store for about $25

Before- Antique Frame. No antique photos
were harmed in the making of my project-it
was just a paper copy that I threw away.
craigslist $10

                                                                                      Before- Old Frame with Gone with the    Wind style fake painting. craigslist $15

We walled off the E door on the side of the house and put in this custom picture window that looks like an antique leaded glass window, but new and efficient. Seavie built all the trim around the window to match the existing (which was new when we remodeled it the first time about 7 years ago)The piano moved to this little nook, and it's the perfect spot. All the items on top of the piano are from a previous post, but 1/2 were free, or I already had. The new addition is the tray in the middle was only $2 from Turnstyles. 

We sold all of our existing furniture/decor in efforts to only use a good part of the
$ from items sold for our remodel cost.
We sold our old micro suede couch for $100, 4 of our extra parsons chairs for $100, piano lamp for $40, old shutter for $25, white frieze rug for $35.
Equaling $300 to go to new furniture for our remodel.

This olive green loveseat/oversized chair/chaise lounge of sorts was only $100 on craigslist.

I just adore it. Seavie still doesn't feel the love. I already had all the pillows on the window seat and couch except for 2, which match the loveseat perfectly- which were $10 total from Savers. The rug I bought from my friend Teryn (that was her landlords) for $15.

The 2 slipper chairs are a brown velvet material, and they were $150 for the pair from craigslist.
The unpainted table(soon to be painted) was $15 on craigslist, and the green 
vintage lamp was $5 at salvation army.

We found this real leather couch on craigslist for only $50. It took a little elbow grease and some amazing leather cleaner/conditioner, but it looks as good as new. 
And super comfy.
The best part is that it had a Nintendo DS lite in it, just a few years old- for FREE. Score! 
Braden had been asking for one forever, but we hadn't got one due to cost. 
Problem solved :)

***We saved on cost, because we had already replaced the trim, windows, and blinds 7 years ago, and all that stayed. As well as all the pillows from the window seat.***

Here's the cost breakdown:                     

1.Leather Couch $50                               

2.Loveseat $100                                     

                                       3. Two Slipper Chairs $150 

                                                            

                                                 4.End Table $15 

                                                             

                                                5.Side Table $10  

                                                            

                                             6.Vintage glass lamp $5

                                                            

                                           7.Vintage green lamp $5

                                                            

                                              8.Oriental Rug $15    

                                                            

                                        9.Picture frames for wall collage $25

                                                          

                                     10.Two large picture frames $25 

                                                          

                                11. Two med.size frames $15 (craigslist)

12.Record Cabinet $10                           

13. Two pillows $10

Total:                      $435.00                    

Craigslist items sold -$300.00                     

-------------------------------------                  

Actual cost to us:      $135.00                   

paint for table         +$   15.00

materials ent.cent.  +$ 130.00

paint for frames      +$  15.00

2 gallons paint         +$  60.00

-------------------------------------------

Cost+Materials=         $355.00 Grand total spent

 Had these all been purchased new they would have cost around:

                            1. Leather couch      $800

                            2.Loveseat              $400

                            3.Two Slipper chairs $300
                            4.End table              $100

                            5.Side table            $50

                            6.Vintage glass lamp $75 (on ebay)

                            7. Vintage green lamp $50                            
                            8. Oriental Rug $300

                            9-11.Random picture frames $200+
                           12.Record Cabinet   $350
                           13.Two pillows $30

                                     Total new: $2655.00

                                      paint       +$   60.00
                           -------------------------------------                  
                                     New cost   $2715.00

This is my version of design on a dime, except in my case, the budget was not $1000, which I don't consider a cheap remodel. This came in at $135 for accessories, and $220 for materials, equaling $355.00 total for an entire Living Room remodel. That's only 13% of what the cost would have been brand new. It helps tremendously to know what you're getting a good deal on and looking for high quality items that are sold really cheap or discounted. If I never said how much I'd spent, no one would ever know otherwise. Why waste all that money new, when you can do so much with refurbished items and sell old things to trade out with what you want to replace it with.

It also helps that I'm an Interior Designer by trade, and my hubby is a Professional Woodworker by trade.

 But I honestly didn't become passionate about savings and fun decor until I had to stare at this previously boring space for the last 9 years and envision what it could become. It's so fun to think outside of the box and be creative with design and re-purposing. I'm always looking for fun spaces to redesign :)


***Disclaimer- I apologize for this horrible formatting- still getting used to the new blogger design***

Documentaries.... and Spiritual Discernment

So the other night we were watching 2 different documentaries on the History Channel, and based on some past programs, we knew to be wary of anything they had to say in relation to the Bible. These 2 were on the "Shroud of Tourin" and "The Garden of Eden." They were both pretty far fetched, but the one that was absolutely ridiculous with pretty much no biblical basis was the 2nd one. They were incorporating things from the k*ran and k*ballah "religions" but they weren't directly saying that in the film, they made it seem like it was all from the Bible. It was over the top ridiculous how untruthful the whole thing was. The only thing that might be true in the whole thing was were it might actually be located now. But the whole issue of documentaries got me really thinking. First I was really worried for people, especially new Christians, or Christians not biblically sound in their teaching, that could view something like this, and not knowing the difference, be sucked into these lies. Anything can become convincing enough if portrayed the right way (mine used to focus more on politics) Anything really can be used as propaganda, but if it fits with your viewpoint, it can be easy to get sucked into it. Whether it is politics, social issues, food, or church issues. There are so many sources out there that all have their "bias" no matter how slight, that gradually reshape our thought processes no matter if we are really thinking about it or not. It becomes an issue of discernment- telling the truth apart from the lies.

In the case of these documentaries, it was an issue of spiritual discernment. The only true basis for telling the lies apart from the truth is having a deep rooted factual knowledge of what the Bible says. From the Bible itself. Not from commentaries, documentaries, or authors, but the actual words of God. I studied the book of Genesis a few years ago in c.b.s. and it was amazing. These documentaries were shocking in a sense to see how fallen we are as a human race to believe these lies that have been told since the beginning of time. People warping the story of creation, and God's miracles. People giving credit to mythology and cultural stories over the true word of God in the Bible. God's word is true, and that is the only word that we should believing.

Spiritual discernment carries over into the secular Christian world as well, where things have veered off into the path of political correctness land. There is one televangelist in particular that focuses on "inner self and self-worth." The one and only time I heard a brief part of his message, I immediately recognized it as lies. He had taken a simple verse of scripture, but twisted it to mean something that scripture had not intended. It clearly says in the bible that it is a sin to add to or take away from God's word. People have also done this with current social issues. The bible clearly states what is sin. It should not be re-interpreted to say, well God really didn't mean it that way. The bible clearly states otherwise. God loves everyone, but doesn't love the sin.

In the issue of spiritual discernment it can also be tricky with religious books. The one that I felt adamantly opposed to reading a few years ago was "the shack." I have never felt more strongly against reading a certain book in my entire life. I wanted to burn it. It became an ongoing debate between myself and mil and sil about this book. So it eventually got thrown in the trash- never read it. Hardly any biblical truth, totally distorted. It would be like someone that read the 'DaVinci Code' and saying that they believed it as God's word. It's just not true. It just takes a little bit of truth, mixed with a lot of lies, to mess with people's hearts.

The best way to stay alert and aware is in reading God's word straight from the source- the Bible. Reading it, and asking God to reveal the truth of his word to us.

Sure the world or society may mock, laugh or condemn people who so passionately follow Christ in their faith, but what is so important to us in our life (fill in the blank) that it's worth losing our eternal souls over? See my old post:

http://thyoldefarmhouse.blogspot.com/2010/01/you-think-you-know-person.html that still weighs very heavily on my heart. Betrayal hurts regardless of who's involved.

Matt and Molly

Please pray for my friend, Molly, who just lost her husband yesterday morning after he suffered a stroke on Sunday. He was only 35 years old. They had been married almost 10 years, and have a daughter, Harper, who they adopted as a baby, as well as a daughter Waverly, who they adopted, but was taken back by her birth father 1 year ago, after they fought a 2 1/2 year long adoption battle to keep her. It was absolutely tragic. No one should have to lose a child. Their family was still grieving her loss, but trying to move ahead, and had updated their home study, in hopes to adopt a new baby soon. Then this happened unexpectedly.

Matt was an amazing guy, so sweet, and was friendly to everyone that he'd meet. He and his family used to go to my old church, HCC. My friend Molly, I met 6 years ago, when we were in Community Bible Study together in the new mom's group for a year. We'd stayed in touch, and I followed her blog for almost 3 years reading the adoption journey of her daughter Waverly. Crying my heart out, because no one should have to go through that much pain.

Now to lose her husband, is unimaginable the absolute pain and grief that must be coming over her. Her world has already been shaken to the core by losing her daughter, and now this. Pray for strength and courage for her, as she needs to be strong for her and Harper. Pray for Harper to understand what happened with her daddy.

Matt's memorial service is this afternoon at 4pm, and I'll be heading to Heartland to celebrate his life, and to be there as support for Molly.

My heart aches so badly for my friend. In the last few days, it has made me realize more than ever, that life really is too short. You never know which day might be your last. This last year or so, with my grandma passing away, and then my neighbor, and my friend Michelle from c.b.s, who was too young, was a lot to handle. In addition to grieving with friends over lost babies. My heart just aches. I try to live each day, like it could possibly be my last. Tell my kids and hubby that I love them each day, and spend that time together. Holding them closer, not wanting to let them go. Thinking of what kind of legacy am I leaving to my children. Not taking anything forgranted. Life is too short.

Please pray for Molly and Harper...