Master Bedroom Remodel

Update from 10-3-09: I found this beautiful quilt in Weston, and am now debating between which one I would rather use for the master bedroom remodel... decisions, decisions....

With all the change going on in other parts of our house, design wise, it has really made me take note on how much I dislike my bedroom right now. I picked a lavender color for the walls 6 1/2 years ago, and it didn't turn out as gray as I would have liked it to begin with, but am just now in the last few months getting sick of it. Thus begins my quest for a grown up bedroom....

It all started when I was looking on Craigslist the other day for random things, and found this beautiful 7 piece bed set + 4 valances for only $30, what a sweet deal! But it had already sold... So I was very sad, but decided to e-mail the woman to see where she bought it from-she told me, and I found it, and am so excited!!! (I would have been even more excited for getting that good of a bargain, but it wasn't to be) Of course $ is super tight right now, so it might be a month or so until I can actually buy it, but I figure with my $100 b'day $ to use, it makes a huge difference toward making it a reality.

So for the next few months, I'll have to really exercise some major patience, while I have to wait for the bathroom remodel to completely finish; tear out all the trim in our room, and re-paint, put up new pretty trim and crown molding, re-arrange furniture, get new hardware for the furniture, and then I can put up this beautiful new bed set. Blue is my all time favorite color, and when I saw this design, I fell in love. So here's to hoping that I can truly be patient :) When the room is finished, I'll definitely post before and after pics so you can see the difference!

God's perfect timing

As most of you know I had a super crazy schedule of activities through May of this year. One of the things that I changed around was the time that I did babysitting for my free jazzercise. I had been doing Thursday afternoons at 5:40pm for the last year. In July I switched to Thursday mornings, and am now doing Friday mornings from now on. Well. you might say that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but God has truly blessed my ministry as a counselor at the Crisis Pregnancy Center where I volunteer. Literally as soon as I switched my time away from Thursday afternoons, we immediately had an influx of clients at the center. Well, you may say, that's just a coincidence, or a normal thing that would happen there. Well not in my eyes. You see I'm the only Client Advocate/Counselor there on Thursday afternoons from noon-5pm. We have had some crazy busy weeks in the last 2 months. During this time, I've had the opportunity to counsel at least 4-5 women who were really needing someone to pour their heart and soul out to about their lives. 2-3 of these women I talked with for 2 hours. Something that is practically unheard of-since most of our counseling time is only 30 minutes or less. These women trusted me to tell me their story. God gave me the right words to say, and hearing them out, not judging their circumstances. My heart aches and is so heavy for these women, and I can just imagine how much more God's heart must ache for them as well.

When I tell people that I volunteer there, they often ask if I'm a Social Worker. I reply, "no, but I really wanted to be one." You see before I went to college, my 3 biggest career paths were, Nursing, Social Work, and Veterinary Medicine. How do you ask, I ended up in Interior Design? Well, my then boyfriend, now husband went to the school that had a great Nursing school, but our parents didn't want us to go the same school, so that ruled out that option. I told my dad I wanted to be a Social Worker, and he said oh no, you don't want to do that! Social workers don't make any money, you'd have to get your Masters..... And Vet school, it came down to getting married young and having kids,or going to school for 8 years, and I chose my sweet husband :)

Why I listened to my parents, I really don't know, but I do know that if it hadn't been for all of the life circumstances that I've been through since being in college, that I wouldn't be where I am today. Having experienced an unplanned pregnancy, and being a young mom. Knowing what it's like to live on limited resources, living in a diverse area, having diverse neighbors. It really helps me relate to these women, since I have been in somewhat similar circumstances that they have. I love being a counselor, and I love that God has blessed me with this ministry. I know in my heart that this is what God had planned for me all along. It might not have seemed that way when I was right in the middle of some not very fun circumstances, but God knew the plan for my life. I have a servant's heart, and such a desire to serve these women and help and impower them for better lives. I would have loved to be a social worker, and in a way I kind of am. As for Nursing school, I have seriously been thinking about going to get my Associates degree as an RN. It has always been a passion of mine, and now even more so being a mom, and experiencing all these things in my world, gives me an even better perspective than I would have had as a young immature college student.

I have come to realize, and know that God has perfect timing, and that everything in life happens for a reason. I pray for these women that I talk to and counsel, that God will give me the right words to say, to speak to their heart, and that they might make the best possible choice for themselves and their children. This is the best type of work in my eyes, because it's one that's making an eternal impact-working for God's higher glory!

My dream of small town life

My family and I have spent the last 2 weekends in a row visiting my parents in their small town an hour south of where we live. We went to the demolition derby-which I absolutely love, and hope to be a driver some day :), and then last weekend went to the county fair/rodeo. I get caught up in the moment, wondering what it would be like to grow up, and/or live in a small town. I pretty much grew up in suburbia, but spent a lot of summers of my youth in various small towns-Pinckneyville,IL; Weston,MO; Warner,OK, Lake of the Ozarks. I always had so much fun there, and have the fondest memories. Well, I found myself dreaming this last weekend what would it be like to live in a small town, and live the simple life. From the original town square, to the original hardware store, where they still measure out wires, and rope down the center aisle, over 40' long; the beautiful historic homes; the old bank, now a quaint library; the rolling hills, and open farm land so serene and peaceful.

I convinced my husband to drive me by my dream house there, that I photographed and toured 8 years ago-a beautiful Victorian house, with original gingerbread trim, original windows,stained glass, pressed tin ceiling...the list goes on and on. I LOVE this house, and before we got married, we had our biggest argument we've ever had over this exact house. I'm the creative dreamer, and he's the practical realist. This house is amazing at over 3000 sq ft at 2 stories, plus a full attic, it's my dream house, and was at the perfect price 8 yrs ago, only $85,000! Well, my dream home has been abandoned and neglected, with peeling paint, and tall grass. It looks like one of the old Victorians you see in the movies deserted up on the hill-well maybe not that bad, but getting close. If it weren't for having to worry about his job,and how much gas $ would be, I would move to this house in a heartbeat!

So to make matters worse for myself, I also convinced him to drive me by the Historic Hotel in town that I did photography and historic preservation consulting for. And low and behold, there was a worker there that day that I talked to and got updated on what was going on. So then I got home and contacted the owner to see if I could start helping out on it again :) I also am in love with this beautiful old hotel. It is a 3 story brick Italianate hotel, and it has seen better days, but I LOVE old abandoned buildings! Call me crazy, but this is a huge passion of mine. I literally cry when I see or hear about old buildings being torn down. Well this hotel needs hundreds of thousands of $ put into it to get it going, but I still have hope that it will reach it's former glory some day :)

So if it were me, I would pack everything up and move to my beautiful old Victorian, restore it, or maybe turn it in to a bed and breakfast :) and work full time helping to restore the old hotel. But then my sweet hubby, Mr. Practical says, do you know how much it takes to heat and cool, and what about the nearest hardware store, and what about the school systems, and about commuting to work, and the list goes on and on. I know he's right, but my heart still dreams of how fun it would be to live in this little, and as he would say "dying" small town.

All this reminds me of a book that I read called Steadfast Surrender, where the main character gives up everything they have, all their comforts in life, to respond to the calling to move to a small town. I have felt that way more recently, just wishing that I could give it all away and not have to worry about all these possessions we have here on earth. But then I think there is still so much to do on our own dream house, that it hasn't reached it's full potential either. My parents own 160 acres of land, and there is a perfect scenic spot my husband and I found, and have talked about how it would be awesome to retire down there some day and build our dream house. So maybe there's hope for my dream house, and maybe my other dream house that could be a bed and breakfast? assuming it hasn't fallen apart in the next 30 years. Until then, I'm working away on our 1887 Farmhouse, that still needs lots of love!

Please Pray.....

My husband just found out recently that he and his co-workers would all be going down to 4 day work weeks, which basically means a 20% paycut. It just went into effect yesterday, and it is going to majorly affect our income. Our buffer is pretty much gone, and I'm praying that we can stay strong and budget very wisely, and make it last. More than anything to avoid the trap of credit card debt again, that we are working so hard to get out of. I have to admit that I'm scared. I get really stressed out when we're tight on money, it just changes my attitude. I know that I need to trust God, and that he will provide. Please pray that he we will seek God's will in all of this for our lives.....

Comments

I just wanted to let all my friends know who are reading my blog, that I have the comments set up that they aren't supposed to be hidden, but for some reason, they sometimes don't show up next to my name, or time stamp. So, if you've found this true as well, and would like to leave a comment, just scroll your mouse over just to the right of my name at the bottom of the post, and it should highlight and show comments there. I'm still fairly new to all this, so I'm trying to figure out why it's not cooperating :) Thanks for reading!

My Grandmother's Legacy

I just got back from Tulsa, OK last night, where my family and I were celebrating my Grandmother's 80th Birthday. I love my Grandma so dearly, that I was in tears when it came time to go home. You see, I've been very close to my Grandma since I was about 10 yrs old when she moved to Weston,MO. My sister and I would visit her every summer, and most holidays, and have some of the fondest memories from my youth there. Almost 4 yrs ago, she decided to give up her independent living, and move down to Tulsa to stay with her daughter and her family. So after 14 years of being close to her, she moved away.

Over these last 18 years, our relationship has changed. I remember in middle school how uncool it was that my grandma drove me to the movie theatre in her bathrobe and curlers; or who had to come stay with us when my parents went out of town. Or heaven forbid, having to share a room with her when she came to visit, because she snored...loudly! My grandma was telling my sister and I a story this weekend about how she was telling a friend of her's that she had two very spoiled granddaughter's when they were younger, and now they've turned into lovely women, and how a simple phone call, can make up for a multitude of past sins.

I love my grandma's strong-willed, stubborness, and her determination. I think that I get all these traits from her, because yes I am very stubborn, and very strong willed :) My grandma has the best stories of her youth, and of my dad when he was younger, and about life in general. I have learned so many things from her.... My grandma was born in 1929, right before the Great Depression, and was a honeymoon baby... she was married at 18 yrs old to my grandpa.... she was told by a nurse that she would never be able to have children, but she proved them wrong by having 5 healthy beautiful children-3 boys, and 2 girls. She was loyal to my grandpa, and they were married for 25 yrs (until he left her for his secretary) and she was left to raise the 3 youngest children by herself. My grandma is blessed with 12 grandchildren, and 4 great grandchildren.

My grandma was talking about the many blessings in her life that she never imagined would be possible-being blessed with children and family that loves her-and how children are truly a gift from God. I think of the legacy that she is leaving, and it is amazing! I am honored to call her my Grandmother, and I pray that she has many many more years left that my children may spend even more time getting to know this woman that I love with all of my heart and soul. My heart ached all day yesterday, just missing her. I cherish each time I spend with her, because I never know when it may be the final goodbye.

The joys of summer

Grace had her last day of swimming lessons today, and after they were over, I let Braden run through the fountains in his clothes. He was overjoyed! He was squealing and running and laughing and playing. It made me wish that I could join in :) Then Grace joined in, and they laughed and played until it was time to go home. I wish that I would have had my camera, because it was so cute to see how joyful they were!

Lately the lightning bugs have been out at night, and the kids have been facinated with them. Braden calls them "light-ming bugs" He caught one the other night and just giggled and laughed at this new "buggle" that he discovered.

They get excited about sidewalk chalk, and walks to the park, and getting popcicles from the store. Playing in the sprinkler, spraying each other with the hose, it's what life's all about.

These little things don't seem like much, but in a child's world, every day is a new day full of adventure and laughter and new experiences. It makes me appreciate all the small things in life, and watching my kids experience these summer joys, makes me feel like a child again when I see it through their eyes!

Friendships

Ok, so I'm in much better spirits since my b'day last week! For the first time in a very long time, I have gone through a serious time of reflection in my life. I had a great talk with my mom the other day about all of these things I've been struggling with, and she encouraged me to read the book she gave me for Mother's Day, called "Creative Counterpart-Becoming the woman, wife, and mother you've longed to be." By Linda Dillow. I have just started into this book, and can tell that it is just what I'm needing right now.
I've pretty much gotten over this issue of friendships, and have come to accept that there will always be a wide variety of people in my life that I consider my friends. It has never bothered me before all these years I've know certain people, but I think my eyes have been opened lately, seeing things in a new light. I've come to realize that I am still the same person that would rather have several very close friends, than lots of people I call "friend" but don't really know them on a personal level. I realize even more that it's more important for me to put more time and energy into my close friends, than to make an effort to put that into people that might not feel the same way. That doesn't mean by any means, that I wouldn't make new friends, because I always welcome new friendships. Just those real, lasting friendships. In the cases where I felt I have been hurt by friends, I think that it's because I've put so much effort into the friendship, and then nothing has been returned on the other end. And I guess that I just have to realize that some things will never change, and friends I've known forever, or have just gotten to know, are all different, and that no one is perfect, including me, and that we all make mistakes, and have to learn to forgive, and forget and move on in life, and not hold any grudges.

Priorities,Commitments and Fair weather friends

Last month,I've finished up being:

*a children's teacher for Community Bible Study

*in MOPS at my church

*an assistant Girl Scout troop leader

AND my part time job

On top of that:

*I teach Sunday School 2x a month, once for 2/3's and once in 4/5's

*scheduling 4/5's class

*youth group childcare once a month

*babysitting 4-5x a mo. at jazzerise

*being a taxi driver to Grace with all 3 of her activities

AND volunteering on a weekly basis at a crisis pregnancy center.

Some may call that over commitment, and yes that very well may be true. But even with all of these activities, with hardly any time for myself, I found the time to help promote and Walk in the Walk for Life at the pregnancy center where I volunteer. Initially it seemed to being going really well with my friends wanting to help out and walk, but then just a few weeks away, 3 different people who said they signed up and were going to walk, dropped out at the last minute because they were too "busy." This is one of the things where it comes to a person's level of commitment and priorities in their life. If they truly wanted it to be something to be involved in, then they would have found a way to make it work.

I find it very hard to deal with people who have a hard time following through with commitment. I admit that maybe a few of these things I was involved in I signed up for because I was worried about saying no, and offending someone, but I am just not that person anymore. I have been burned so many times, that I can't just agree with every change that comes up, and say, oh that's okay. Because the old me would just go with the flow, and everything is okay.

The older I get, the more my perspective is changing on my world, and my friendships. For those of you who know me fairly well, you know that I can be kind of quiet at times. I'm the type of person that likes to take it all in initially and read what a person is truly like. Then getting to know the friend, and what they're like etc. This has been on my mind lately, because it seems like a few people in my life have become what my dad would call a "fair-weather friend." This is definied as "someone who is friendly only when it is advantageous or easy."
Retrieved from "http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fair_weather_friend"

For example:

the friend who just says hi and hello, and how are you, but never takes the time or the effort to get to know you personally.

the friend who is okay on a social level, but not on a deeper friendship level.

the friend who only talks about trivial things, not about things that truly matter, or have significance.

the friend who is only concerned about their popularity, or by their appearance to others.

the friend who doesn't want to take time out of their schedule to be involved in your life

My heart yearns for the friendships of my youth, where friends and I could just talk for hours about everything going on in our lives, and have that deep lasting friendship. There are 2 of my dear friends that I've know for less than 2 years that I feel so connected to. We share similar life experiences, and thoughts on family, and politics, and books etc. Friends that I can share my heart and soul with, and receive encouragement and support from. That is what I need in my life right now! I have such a wide variety of friends, some I've known since elementary school, some from youth group growing up, some from college. They're all great friends, and have been for those stages in my life. I'm at a point where I sometimes feel so connected to my friends, and to the outside world, via e-mail, or facebook, but then feel equally alone and forgotten, for lack of face to face relationships. Then when something comes up, like a friend who can't get together over a special occasion, it completely crushes me. I am a secure person, and probably the last person to consider myself needy, but I just can't have fair weather friends right now. I need that deeper, more meaningful "real" friendship. I have been trying to make that effort towards people in my life, but it has been hard for me when the answer is "I'm busy". which to me means that they don't have time for me right now.

Sorry for all my rants and ravings, it seems like my thoughts and feelings have been all over the charts lately. I think part of it has to do, that I'm another year older tommorrow, and with every year, it seems like that much of my past has slipped away. I was in tears the other afternoon, when I was cleaning and came across my old studio model,and design boards from college that I put my heart and soul into. Doing something that I loved so passionately. I think it comes down to that I have been so busy busy busy with all of these activities in my life, that I haven't had hardly enough time to spend on myself. Sometimes it's so hard to think of all the things I sacrificed to be a stay at home mom so young, at only 21. I am happy with my life, but trying to fill the emptiness that my heart holds. I need to spend more time with God, and with friends in the real relationships, that are encouraging and not superficial, more time with my family and with my children. So this fall, 5 of my previous activities I'm not returning to, so I can focus my attention to the things that mean the most to me in my life:

GOD, family and friends :)

The beauty of God's creation

Braden has a book entitled,"See the Country, See the City," by Zonderkidz. I love this book, but especially the note in the back of the book under Mom's moment. It says, "Hear God's voice in the wonders of Creation." In all you see around you, he says, "I love you, my child."

There are several things that I'm in awe of God's creations, the first being Sunsets. I absolutely love sunsets. When I was in college, they had the most amazing multi-color sunsets that I had ever seen. I feel like God has painted this beautiful masterpiece just for us to enjoy. I also love it when the individual rays of light come through the clouds in all different directions. I feel so close to God when I'm able to witness the beauty of his creation. It also reminds me of the word picture that was so beautifully painted in one of the last Left Behind books when Jesus comes back and comes through the clouds, shining in his glory. I think of how amazing it will be someday, if I'm around to witness that if it's in my lifetime!

And clouds.....I had the most amazing time flying home from Arizona with Grace. Grace was so excited about flying, and of course had to sit by the window. She loved looking out the window and seeing that we were either, flying through a cloud, or flying on top of all the clouds. She said, "are we going up to Heaven to see Jesus?" and, " is this where God and Jesus live?" The clouds that day were especially beautiful. They were in formations that almost looked like they could be mountains with cities within them. I had the best talk with Grace about how God created all these clouds, and the sky, and that it was almost like a glimpse of what Heaven might be like. I switched places with Grace, and was sitting next to the window. The sun had just started setting over all the top layers of clouds, and I felt so drawn to the beauty in total awe of God's creation. In all the busyness of people reading and talking and being on their computers, with their windows drawn, and I had some amazing quiet time with God, and felt so close to him, that I could just admire beauty from above forever!