Please Pray.....

My husband just found out recently that he and his co-workers would all be going down to 4 day work weeks, which basically means a 20% paycut. It just went into effect yesterday, and it is going to majorly affect our income. Our buffer is pretty much gone, and I'm praying that we can stay strong and budget very wisely, and make it last. More than anything to avoid the trap of credit card debt again, that we are working so hard to get out of. I have to admit that I'm scared. I get really stressed out when we're tight on money, it just changes my attitude. I know that I need to trust God, and that he will provide. Please pray that he we will seek God's will in all of this for our lives.....

Comments

I just wanted to let all my friends know who are reading my blog, that I have the comments set up that they aren't supposed to be hidden, but for some reason, they sometimes don't show up next to my name, or time stamp. So, if you've found this true as well, and would like to leave a comment, just scroll your mouse over just to the right of my name at the bottom of the post, and it should highlight and show comments there. I'm still fairly new to all this, so I'm trying to figure out why it's not cooperating :) Thanks for reading!

My Grandmother's Legacy

I just got back from Tulsa, OK last night, where my family and I were celebrating my Grandmother's 80th Birthday. I love my Grandma so dearly, that I was in tears when it came time to go home. You see, I've been very close to my Grandma since I was about 10 yrs old when she moved to Weston,MO. My sister and I would visit her every summer, and most holidays, and have some of the fondest memories from my youth there. Almost 4 yrs ago, she decided to give up her independent living, and move down to Tulsa to stay with her daughter and her family. So after 14 years of being close to her, she moved away.

Over these last 18 years, our relationship has changed. I remember in middle school how uncool it was that my grandma drove me to the movie theatre in her bathrobe and curlers; or who had to come stay with us when my parents went out of town. Or heaven forbid, having to share a room with her when she came to visit, because she snored...loudly! My grandma was telling my sister and I a story this weekend about how she was telling a friend of her's that she had two very spoiled granddaughter's when they were younger, and now they've turned into lovely women, and how a simple phone call, can make up for a multitude of past sins.

I love my grandma's strong-willed, stubborness, and her determination. I think that I get all these traits from her, because yes I am very stubborn, and very strong willed :) My grandma has the best stories of her youth, and of my dad when he was younger, and about life in general. I have learned so many things from her.... My grandma was born in 1929, right before the Great Depression, and was a honeymoon baby... she was married at 18 yrs old to my grandpa.... she was told by a nurse that she would never be able to have children, but she proved them wrong by having 5 healthy beautiful children-3 boys, and 2 girls. She was loyal to my grandpa, and they were married for 25 yrs (until he left her for his secretary) and she was left to raise the 3 youngest children by herself. My grandma is blessed with 12 grandchildren, and 4 great grandchildren.

My grandma was talking about the many blessings in her life that she never imagined would be possible-being blessed with children and family that loves her-and how children are truly a gift from God. I think of the legacy that she is leaving, and it is amazing! I am honored to call her my Grandmother, and I pray that she has many many more years left that my children may spend even more time getting to know this woman that I love with all of my heart and soul. My heart ached all day yesterday, just missing her. I cherish each time I spend with her, because I never know when it may be the final goodbye.

The joys of summer

Grace had her last day of swimming lessons today, and after they were over, I let Braden run through the fountains in his clothes. He was overjoyed! He was squealing and running and laughing and playing. It made me wish that I could join in :) Then Grace joined in, and they laughed and played until it was time to go home. I wish that I would have had my camera, because it was so cute to see how joyful they were!

Lately the lightning bugs have been out at night, and the kids have been facinated with them. Braden calls them "light-ming bugs" He caught one the other night and just giggled and laughed at this new "buggle" that he discovered.

They get excited about sidewalk chalk, and walks to the park, and getting popcicles from the store. Playing in the sprinkler, spraying each other with the hose, it's what life's all about.

These little things don't seem like much, but in a child's world, every day is a new day full of adventure and laughter and new experiences. It makes me appreciate all the small things in life, and watching my kids experience these summer joys, makes me feel like a child again when I see it through their eyes!

Friendships

Ok, so I'm in much better spirits since my b'day last week! For the first time in a very long time, I have gone through a serious time of reflection in my life. I had a great talk with my mom the other day about all of these things I've been struggling with, and she encouraged me to read the book she gave me for Mother's Day, called "Creative Counterpart-Becoming the woman, wife, and mother you've longed to be." By Linda Dillow. I have just started into this book, and can tell that it is just what I'm needing right now.
I've pretty much gotten over this issue of friendships, and have come to accept that there will always be a wide variety of people in my life that I consider my friends. It has never bothered me before all these years I've know certain people, but I think my eyes have been opened lately, seeing things in a new light. I've come to realize that I am still the same person that would rather have several very close friends, than lots of people I call "friend" but don't really know them on a personal level. I realize even more that it's more important for me to put more time and energy into my close friends, than to make an effort to put that into people that might not feel the same way. That doesn't mean by any means, that I wouldn't make new friends, because I always welcome new friendships. Just those real, lasting friendships. In the cases where I felt I have been hurt by friends, I think that it's because I've put so much effort into the friendship, and then nothing has been returned on the other end. And I guess that I just have to realize that some things will never change, and friends I've known forever, or have just gotten to know, are all different, and that no one is perfect, including me, and that we all make mistakes, and have to learn to forgive, and forget and move on in life, and not hold any grudges.

Priorities,Commitments and Fair weather friends

Last month,I've finished up being:

*a children's teacher for Community Bible Study

*in MOPS at my church

*an assistant Girl Scout troop leader

AND my part time job

On top of that:

*I teach Sunday School 2x a month, once for 2/3's and once in 4/5's

*scheduling 4/5's class

*youth group childcare once a month

*babysitting 4-5x a mo. at jazzerise

*being a taxi driver to Grace with all 3 of her activities

AND volunteering on a weekly basis at a crisis pregnancy center.

Some may call that over commitment, and yes that very well may be true. But even with all of these activities, with hardly any time for myself, I found the time to help promote and Walk in the Walk for Life at the pregnancy center where I volunteer. Initially it seemed to being going really well with my friends wanting to help out and walk, but then just a few weeks away, 3 different people who said they signed up and were going to walk, dropped out at the last minute because they were too "busy." This is one of the things where it comes to a person's level of commitment and priorities in their life. If they truly wanted it to be something to be involved in, then they would have found a way to make it work.

I find it very hard to deal with people who have a hard time following through with commitment. I admit that maybe a few of these things I was involved in I signed up for because I was worried about saying no, and offending someone, but I am just not that person anymore. I have been burned so many times, that I can't just agree with every change that comes up, and say, oh that's okay. Because the old me would just go with the flow, and everything is okay.

The older I get, the more my perspective is changing on my world, and my friendships. For those of you who know me fairly well, you know that I can be kind of quiet at times. I'm the type of person that likes to take it all in initially and read what a person is truly like. Then getting to know the friend, and what they're like etc. This has been on my mind lately, because it seems like a few people in my life have become what my dad would call a "fair-weather friend." This is definied as "someone who is friendly only when it is advantageous or easy."
Retrieved from "http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fair_weather_friend"

For example:

the friend who just says hi and hello, and how are you, but never takes the time or the effort to get to know you personally.

the friend who is okay on a social level, but not on a deeper friendship level.

the friend who only talks about trivial things, not about things that truly matter, or have significance.

the friend who is only concerned about their popularity, or by their appearance to others.

the friend who doesn't want to take time out of their schedule to be involved in your life

My heart yearns for the friendships of my youth, where friends and I could just talk for hours about everything going on in our lives, and have that deep lasting friendship. There are 2 of my dear friends that I've know for less than 2 years that I feel so connected to. We share similar life experiences, and thoughts on family, and politics, and books etc. Friends that I can share my heart and soul with, and receive encouragement and support from. That is what I need in my life right now! I have such a wide variety of friends, some I've known since elementary school, some from youth group growing up, some from college. They're all great friends, and have been for those stages in my life. I'm at a point where I sometimes feel so connected to my friends, and to the outside world, via e-mail, or facebook, but then feel equally alone and forgotten, for lack of face to face relationships. Then when something comes up, like a friend who can't get together over a special occasion, it completely crushes me. I am a secure person, and probably the last person to consider myself needy, but I just can't have fair weather friends right now. I need that deeper, more meaningful "real" friendship. I have been trying to make that effort towards people in my life, but it has been hard for me when the answer is "I'm busy". which to me means that they don't have time for me right now.

Sorry for all my rants and ravings, it seems like my thoughts and feelings have been all over the charts lately. I think part of it has to do, that I'm another year older tommorrow, and with every year, it seems like that much of my past has slipped away. I was in tears the other afternoon, when I was cleaning and came across my old studio model,and design boards from college that I put my heart and soul into. Doing something that I loved so passionately. I think it comes down to that I have been so busy busy busy with all of these activities in my life, that I haven't had hardly enough time to spend on myself. Sometimes it's so hard to think of all the things I sacrificed to be a stay at home mom so young, at only 21. I am happy with my life, but trying to fill the emptiness that my heart holds. I need to spend more time with God, and with friends in the real relationships, that are encouraging and not superficial, more time with my family and with my children. So this fall, 5 of my previous activities I'm not returning to, so I can focus my attention to the things that mean the most to me in my life:

GOD, family and friends :)

The beauty of God's creation

Braden has a book entitled,"See the Country, See the City," by Zonderkidz. I love this book, but especially the note in the back of the book under Mom's moment. It says, "Hear God's voice in the wonders of Creation." In all you see around you, he says, "I love you, my child."

There are several things that I'm in awe of God's creations, the first being Sunsets. I absolutely love sunsets. When I was in college, they had the most amazing multi-color sunsets that I had ever seen. I feel like God has painted this beautiful masterpiece just for us to enjoy. I also love it when the individual rays of light come through the clouds in all different directions. I feel so close to God when I'm able to witness the beauty of his creation. It also reminds me of the word picture that was so beautifully painted in one of the last Left Behind books when Jesus comes back and comes through the clouds, shining in his glory. I think of how amazing it will be someday, if I'm around to witness that if it's in my lifetime!

And clouds.....I had the most amazing time flying home from Arizona with Grace. Grace was so excited about flying, and of course had to sit by the window. She loved looking out the window and seeing that we were either, flying through a cloud, or flying on top of all the clouds. She said, "are we going up to Heaven to see Jesus?" and, " is this where God and Jesus live?" The clouds that day were especially beautiful. They were in formations that almost looked like they could be mountains with cities within them. I had the best talk with Grace about how God created all these clouds, and the sky, and that it was almost like a glimpse of what Heaven might be like. I switched places with Grace, and was sitting next to the window. The sun had just started setting over all the top layers of clouds, and I felt so drawn to the beauty in total awe of God's creation. In all the busyness of people reading and talking and being on their computers, with their windows drawn, and I had some amazing quiet time with God, and felt so close to him, that I could just admire beauty from above forever!

Becoming Humble.....

I spent most of my formative years growing up in South Overland Park, from the time I was in 2nd grade-college. I was never in want for anything. I grew up in the Blue Valley schools, where there was a great lack of diversity both racially and socio-economically. There was no such thing as low-income areas in Blue Valley then. My sister, who is 3 yrs younger than me, and her friends thought that $250K+ homes were starter homes(granted they might be for those fortunate enough to have incomes to support them). They also thought that anything north of 95th St. was "the ghetto." Talk about a warped sense of reality!

My now husband, then boyfriend lived in North Overland Park, in a modest split level house. I'll never forget when I walked into his Shawnee Mission HS one day to visit, and was shocked to find a completley different world. There were no cliquey Abercrombie kids or bleach blonde cheerleaders, but truly normal people in every sense of the word.

I had never even touched generic food until we started dating, because that's what food he had in their house. I admit it did take me a long time to get over the fact that it wasn't that certain brand name I was used to. I didn't know it really even existed.

I had never been garage saleing before, and thought it was a crazy idea. Why on earth would I want to look through stuff people were getting rid of? I think I was even embarrased at the idea of going to garage sales! I have to admit that I was a bit materialistic, and that it took me into our early years of marriage to get over wanting to have all things new. I eventually got more into garage saleing when we first got married, but it took me a few years after that to even think of shopping at consignment stores, or thrift stores.

So life the last 7 years that we've been married has been completely different. We moved to Lenexa. Our neighbors are all wonderful people who share in the daily struggles of life, and what like if like for the average person. Everyone has older houses, our neighbor behind us has lived in her little bungalow for 60+ yrs, and has raised her 5 children there. Our 2 elderly neighbors have both been in their homes for 40+ yrs and raised their families. There is such a strong sense of community! So different from the suburbia that I grew up in.

It was an initial adjustment for me having Grace in the SM schools. I had no clue what school was like with low-income kids, or different racial backgrounds. I have to admit that it did take me a few years to get over the idea, but was fine with it once she was in school. I have really suprised myself this last year how much I like her being there, and making new friends. It has really changed my perspective about the people that I call my friends, and the people that live in our neighborhood- for the better. Several of her friends moms, are my friends, and we share the common struggles, and life in general. There is no fake sense of reality, life is what it is.

I told my husband, "You can take a girl out of Blue Valley, but you can't take the Blue Valley out of the girl."This is especially true when it relates to my love of shopping-well really bargain shopping. As I said earlier I had never once entered a thrift store, and didn't know too much about them. Over the last few years, I have found a new love of shopping at my 2 favorites in town. Yes, it takes A LOT of work to sort through all the clothes, but the end result is brand name clothes that are practically new, for less than $2 to cents a piece, compared to $100's of dollars on new wardrobes for kids. My kids outgrow their clothes so fast, and run around and play, and get stuff dirty. It has made it so much easier for me to not grow attached to material possessions, when I'm not spending a fortune on them. Plus, all the money from your purchases goes to Charity which helps people in true need. I would much rather give to people in need, than to corporate chains that the same is definitely not true. Now that's not to say that I don't love shopping in normal stores like Target, because I do. I love their sales :) I have just made the progression (for kids clothes) over the last few years from shopping regular store sales-to consignment stores, or kids sales-to garage sales-to thrift stores. It has been a very humbling experience as well, especially since I would have never been caught dead shopping there, since it was in my mind only for poor homeless people. I'm not poor by any means, but not rich either. Just trying to get the most out of each $, and help provide for my family in a way that is fun for me, and puts me in the giving spirit.

We used to do garage sales, and we'll probably still do them in the future. They started out of necessity because we needed to sell things to make extra money. The last year or so, we have been donating, and giving things away instead. It has been completley freeing to my spirit to not be so materialistic, but to be humbled, and to know that others are in need and that we might be able to do something to help others. It took me a long time to get to that point where I could just willingly give something away, but looking back over the years, God has blessed us so richly from others kindness of things, that I want to now return the favor, and pay it forward to someone else in need.

I have also gotten over my dislike of generic foods, I got over that several years ago. I didn't even know what ALDI's was, until just a year ago or less. Growing up my mom went to Sam's Club a lot, and to regular stores, and our pantries were over stocked. Now is not so much the case, but I strive to get there some day when I'm working FT. I have now discovered that I like a lot of generic foods more than regular name brands. And it all comes down to saving money too.

By all these new revelations I've made as an adult, has made me appreciate how much my parents provided for my sister and I when we were growing up. They have helped shape me to who I am today. I have to thank my husband as well for introducing me to the real world. But most of all I thank God for giving me this humble spirit that he has blessed me with, and for taking away my prideful, materialistic, selfish spirit that I once had. I may still struggle occasionally, but I have learned to be content and know that everything in life happens for a reason. I am so glad that I have reached this point in my life, and couldn't be happier :)